Percy’s Bar & Bistro

I was born in Geelong. Therefore I have «bogan blood» in me (and I am proud) and love a good pub, in particular an ‘old man’ pub. But somehow Percy’s just doesn’t cut it.
I first popped down when I noticed some of the great food specials on offer including the classic parma nights and steak nights once a week and my personal favourite — $ 12 jugs on a Monday — but this pub didn’t have that pubby smell or the relaxed atmosphere that I so crave.
Don’t get me wrong, the staff are lovely and the food did the trick but it’s missing a certain… Je né sais quoi.

I can be accused of old-​man-​pub bashing from time to time, and I can see that Percy’s is getting a bit of that treatment in other reviews here, but you know what? Percy’s isn’t just for old men, it’s for the old-​men at heart. My friends might be young, but they/​we like nothing better than perching at a bar, ordering cheap Melbournes and talking shit for hours, stopping only to down a cheap burger and chips. Who needs cool music or other young people around when you’ve got your mates, some old-​man complaints up your sleeve and the need and desire to settle into a few/​many drinks?
Youth might be wasted on the young, but old age isn’t wasted on the young at Percy’s — especially if the young are wasted.

Percy’s is an old man’s bar next to a student area. Old men do frequent it along with younger men as well. It’s just one of those bars with doesn’t really have that much character and is slightly dingy, but it’s good nonetheless. Not amazing, but good.
What do I like about Percys?
* The bartenders are fantastic and funny. They always give me great service and are down for a friendly chat.
* The bar is the main feature of the pub — it’s a half circle and people just have to crowd around the bar because there isn’t very much seating elsewhere. (Unless there’s some in a back area that I don’t know about because I never venture that way?).
* Drinks are cheap.
What don’t I like about Percys?
* Well… it’s an old man bar and lacks coolness factor. Sorry old men.
* It smells sometimes.
* The cleanliness is questionable.
* The bar is sticky.
* The bartender with the short curly hair no longer works there.
I don’t come here often and the person who used to invite me out to here no longer lives in Melbourne, so my Percy’s days are over. I highly doubt I’ll be going back because there are better pubs around, but for those who are near by, definitely drop by and have a drink.

Percy’s at the old Astor hotel on Lygon is a bit of a disappointment. The place seems to cater for a specific group of familiar faces and getting decent service here has proved problematic here for me. The place also lacks the atmosphere I like in a pub situation. The couple of times I’ve been inside (usually killing time on my way to something else), there’s been little or no music, often sport playing to a few tragics, sound up, on a small screen and a few disgruntled old blokes hogging the bar.
Walking in to Percy’s kind of feels like a scene from an old movie where the music stops and your greeted by every face in the room. The big difference here is that the music doesn’t start again and the faces keep staring. The food seems inordinately expensive for pub fodder — I reckon they’re angling for the ‘gastro pub’ crowd but it doesn’t really seem to have taken off. Sure, it’s the kind of place you can go to kill a couple of hours and is actually pretty quiet if you’ve got an interview to do or you just need a break from the world/​home. But Percy’s is hardly worth travelling for… there are too many other great pubs around.

The Hotel Astor stands on a busy corner on Lygon St.
Percy, a famous AFL footballer, names the bistro to Lygon St, with the Astor signage in stone above.
The front bar facing Elgin Street fills the room in a sweeping motion in a curve. Most locals are found propped up with a brew. The Bistro itself is entered from Lygon St, and here in this clean and inviting space you’ll be treated to simple, tasty and substantial meals.
It’s very much a no-​frills operation, but this works in it’s favour, restauranteurs make of it what they will.

There’s something to be said for a pub that’s just a pub. Yes, gastro can be great, but there will always be a place in my heart and stomach for a simple, honest pub where you can just eat, drink and be.
On the corner of Lygon and Elgin streets in Carlton sits what would have to be Melbourne’s most unpretentious watering hole — Percy’s. Owned by former Carlton Football Club player and coach, Peter ‘Percy’ Jones, the bar is decked out with nothing more than a sprinkling of memorabilia and dust. The stools play host to an eclectic bunch of locals — students sit beside dentally-​challenged old men, and the bar staff can often be seen hanging around on their night off, watching the footy or playing trivia.
Although most patrons opt for a Carlton Draft with their basic, affordable counter-​meal, the wine list is what lures me back again and again. While no physical ‘list’ exists, above the bar you’ll see a decent selection of reliable wines, each with the price hand written on a sticker affixed to the front. And yes, you read that price correctly. The mark-​ups are so minimal it seems unreasonable not to stay and enjoy a second bottle with a third basket of chips.
It’s not the kind of place that you go to be seen, but that’s the appeal. Percy’s is one of the inner-north’s last genuine ‘old man’ bars offering food and drink with no pretension whatsoever. I, for one, think that’s the kind of establishment worth supporting.