McDonald’s

The last three times I’ve tried to get something from their seasonal menu they’ve been out. I don’t know who does their ordering, but it’s been especially frustrating as I’ve taken my daughter’s each time only to leave disappointed without the special treat we went for.

Oh hot damn, this is my jam.
Yeah, it’s a McDonald’s. Never been to one? Liar. You’ve been to one. You know what a Big Mac tastes like. You don’t need me to tell you.
I’m not going to rant and rave about the décor here. I’ve been coming to this place since it had a friggin’ train inside of it — and guess what, jeeves? My eight year old self sat in the caboose and downed two-​for-​one quarter-​pounders like a king.
It’s fattening, greasy food. You will be served by people who barely speak English nine times out of ten. Their corporate ethics are questionable. When I’m taking care of myself, I avoid this place and it’s nuclear-​bomb-​calorie-​equivalent-​meals like the plague.
And yet… oh, and yet!
I’ve driven through the drive-​thru of this wonderful, magical establishment numerous times after a late night on the town or a bad day. And friends, this… this right here is the ultimate antidote to your sadness.
Those golden arches shine brightly over the parking lot of the world’s most boring mall like the light at the end of the tunnel.
Working late? Hate every client you ever had? McDonald’s is there.
Got dumped? Need a burger wrapper to cry into? McDonald’s is there.
Family member die of morbid obesity?! McDonald’s is ironically there.
Spent all night DD’ing for your jerk friends only to have them skip the bill? McDonald’s is there — and it’s cheap.
Yes, when I am at my absolute worst places in life, when nothing can consolidate me and I feel like everything I’ve ever known is falling apart around me, McDonald’s is there, with their familiar menu, crackling speakers and surprisingly jubilant night staff.
The fact is, whether you tell everyone you hate McDonalds or you eat there every single day of your life, you already know who they are, what they do and what you can expect.
As for me, this place is my shoulder to cry on and I’ll be loyal until I die. Probably of heart disease.