The Clapham Grand

I went there on a Saturday night with other 6 friends. All girls!
We’ve signed up before on the online guest list so we pay only 5 pounds at the entrance. If you want to go there without guest list you pay 10£.
I stayed there dancing from 10 pm until almost 3 am. Few pros and cons below:
PROS
— nice music, good selection of hip hop, dance, 80s and 90s.
— not so crowdy place, we had our space for a good dance,
— cheap spirits (5pounds gin & tonic or 9 for a double)
CONS
— spirits were quite light (I think they put water inside their vodka bottles as my vodka lemonade tasted like lemonade only!)
— first DJ wasn’t really good mixing songs
— we were all 30s, this place is almost full of 20, mid 20s people.
Overall a great night out! will definitely come back :)

For such a big venue, The Clapham Grand sure do have trouble managing their stock levels. Every time I’ve been here the taps are off and the beer in the fridge is warm, not really ideal.
I don’t really get the insistence on a live band playing the same boring covers over and over, although the last time I was here the guy had a pretty good repertoire — busting out a solo version of ‘Shake it Off’ with only a guitar and loop pedal — I didn’t want to dance to ‘Land Down Under’ in Australia and I have even less interest in doing so in the UK.
But judging from the long queues at the front door, I’m guessing that’s just me.
2.5 stars.

Always a good night! Right next to Clapham Junction station so super convenient for the trains and over ground. Drinks aren’t exciting but there quite reasonable for London, around £4.50 for a G&T. Good atmosphere and some awesome events — went to Rebel Bingo there; beyond fun!

The Grand, Clapham is an old time music hall theatre. It is a bit run down and scruffy but it has a huge stage, bar, and private boxes or stalls seating. They have singers and groups performing from 70s groups like the Chi-​lites to more contemporary acts. It is also the venue for a beer festival.
It is quite an historic building.

Very cool venue. Did this place used to be a theatre? It almost looks like it could’ve been with the circle and upper circle. It certainly seems very ‘grand’ and a great place to party. There’s a good sized dance floor area with plenty of places to hang around the sides. A reasonable sized bar too. I went to The Clapham Grand for an event rather than as a regular clubber so I can’t say what it’d be like on a regular night but everyone was certainly enjoying themselves when I was there. There was live music when I was there which was excellent. I hear it’s recently undergone refurbishment and they really seem to have done a great job with it. It’s a really lovely venue with lots of potential.

This review comes with a disclaimer as it was quite a few hours into a drinking marathon before I stopped into here.
The queue went relatively quickly and the entry fee of £10 wasn’t too bad… The place was absolutely packed when we got in and I definitely felt like one of the oldest people there! (and I’m in my mid 20s…) Everyone seemed pretty cool, I didn’t get hassled by meat market people which is what I had been expecting… maybe it was cause I was so old compared to everyone!!! *sniffle*
There is one huge bar at the back which was a few people deep. It definitely got super crowded and took a while to get our drinks served. Prices are average for London. There is a light up dance floor (woooo!) but I have to note that it was a dance/​workout floor as with each step it took extra effort to pull my shoes from the super sticky floor. The DJ was pretty cool and did a set with 70’s retro to current music and I was stayed on the dance floor all night.
I have to say that the toilet attendant lady was very scary! The toilets were relatively clean but she kept yelling at me to put money in her tray. I tried to avoid the toilets as much as possible.
Overall… not bad. Best thing about it was that it took 8 minutes to walk home. Oh yea…

I had the pleasure of going here the other Friday night and thoroughly enjoyed myself. The music is happy go lucky and the atmosphere is easy to run along with. The staff are friendly and you never have to wait too long for a drink. this is not because it is empty by the way they are just efficient. Keep up the good work guys and we’ll see you soon!

The Clapham Grand gets only one more star than it’s rival and compatriot Infernos. This place is marginally better because you get a varied crowd and it’s unique in it’s layout and location.
But lets not kid ourselves. The Infernos vs Grand argument is valid for a reason — they both sit squarely in the same category of drunken hell. If you’re in here you’ve got to be hammered.
The redeeming feature of the Grand is that they’ll have live music and cabaret shows on occasionally and it’s actually really well suited to that sort of gig. If they can mask the smell that is.

Considering I am completely wasted when I arrive at The Grand, I probably have a warped perception of what it’s like! It’s normally a tenner to get in and then a hike down many stairs to get to the dance floor, where you are blasted with the average chart music that everyone’s bored of. It’s always busy in here and the atmosphere is lively, so if you’re with a quality group of mates you’re bound to have a good time.

The place smells like feet. I think it’s suited for the early 20s crowd, which explains the meat market type of vibe. I probably won’t be coming back, unless I’m desperate for some young booty.

Cheesy indeed, but no-​where near as bad as Inferno’s…
It’s good fun here and not very expensive. If I remember correctly it’s around £5 to get in and they often have drinks promotions on.
I’ve always enjoyed myself here. Having said that, I’ve only been a handful of times.

Errrrr. The Clapham Grand. What can you say about this place, one of the only late night week day drinking holes in the thirsty Clapham?! Well, it’s always busy, even on a weekday. Although the place is famed for it’s gigs, i can only speak of it from my experience being very drunk in here at 4am on a school night. Oops.
Did you read that article recently about Chelsea and Fulham being the heaviest drinking districts of London? So posh people like to get slaughtered — quel suprise?! Well Clapham Grand sustains itself on this alone. Usually full of sweaty suits, funny to go and watch, tragic if it’s what you do. Although I’ve witnessed a photo shoot here and the location really worked.

I can only really speak about the Clapham Grand from the perspective of someone who has been there to see live music rather than a clubber and I have to say it makes a cracking gig venue.
I went to see Oasis a few years back there and more recently a music showcase night and both times I was impressed at the comfort in which I was able to watch the acts. The view of the stage is good wherever you are, even upstairs on the balcony as the Clapham Grand is by most standards quite a small venue. This makes each performance feel quite intimate and special.
The staff were friendly and when I had an enquiry about an act I’d seen at the showcase, the girl in the ticket office/​cloakroom did what she could to get me some extra information. Bar service at the music nights is good considering how busy the place can get.
Although I have not been to a club night, judging from the standard I have seen at live music nights I would guess that The Clapham Grand is capable of putting on a class night any day of the week. If an act you follow is doing a tour and The Clapham Grand is on the schedule, I would highly recommend the venue.

The Clapham Grand has finally undergone some refurbishment. This massive venue right close to Clapham Junction station was abuzz with bubbly clubbers when I arrived, and when I walked in it was easy to see why. Rumour has it that the new owners have spent £1.2m to deck the place out in opulence. While the colourful interior left me feeling a little like a colour-​blind camel at a bull fight, the sound and lighting did the rest of the talking as the good vibrations of the music overtook me.
Interestingly, the two main bars receive support from two satellite shooter bars, much smaller but able to service your party quite well with various shooters. However beware the shooter bars, it’s common knowledge that this is where clubs make a ton of their money and too many will leave you out of pocket and thirsty for more. The Clapham Grand on the whole is a good choice for the non-​fussy clubber, and I would go as far as to say to watch this space, because it’s only a matter of time until some exciting promoters find the Grand again.

This is your finest camembertby this I will explain — a very expensive load of cheese. It’s one of those venues where you simply have to get ratted. The atmosphere is similar to that of Hereford cattle market on a Wednesday, except for the fact that if the farmers were that drunk they wouldn’t end up selling the cows, butwell, I’ll leave that to your imaginations. The stage entertainment, and I use the word loosely, consists of an ageing 70s DJ type guy called Dr Felch or something as ridiculous and a band of scantily clad young ladies — the latter are the best looking thing in there. Oh, and don’t fall over unless you have glass proof skin or are wearing chainmail. A skinful is the only answer folksyou have been warned!

The Grand is one of a trio of cheesy nightspots in Clapham (Wessex house and Infernos being the other two). It’s set in an old theatre so the layout is a bit all over the place. It’s your typical cheesy disco I suppose but with a rather strange act thrown in. Periodically though the evening PVC clad dancers take to the stage. They’re very good actually but I’m not really sure what the point of them is (well from a female perspective anyway). I’d much rather just have a lower entrance fee (its £10 to get in). Still all good fun I suppose if you’re with a group of friends and fancy a spot of cheesy dancing!