An Evening With Finn and Porter

Unilocal EVENT RATING SCALE — (This is only the scale. It is used for all Unilocal Events. Some of these things may or may not have happened.)
Free drinks = 1 star
Free food = 1 star
making out with someone = 1 star
nudity = 1 star
I win a prize = ½ star
laughs = ½ star
total 2 ½
So, I’m like a month behind on writing reviews. I’ve had a lot going on since this event: EP releases, turning 30, drunken binges, vacationing. It’s hard to keep up with it all. Luckily, I held on to the brain cells that remember this event so I can bring you this review.
Oh BTW. I need to make up a few categories to get this up to snuff:
Sushi wrapped in watermelon = 1 star
Some white crème stuff with pineapple = 1 star
Sea bass = 1 star
Free handjobs = 1 star
Reminiscing about the last Finn and Porter event = 1 star
= 5 stars

I’m late, I’m late!!! Mr. Smidgens has not been himself lately so when he had an opportunity to make it to an Elite Unilocal event he said, «Why not? It’s been two months since I have been to an event. As I dashed into the Hilton and made my way to Finn & Porter I saw fellow Unilocalers getting their pictures taken by the one and only Erin Molloy.
I made my way into F & P where I was greeted by a server with a tray full of Coruba Rum drinks. Thank you very much!
Out of all the delicious food that was available I did get to try the smoked escolar and watermelon, the beef carpaccio, and the seared beef o’ so tenderloin. All mouth watering delicious!
it was great to see everyone and as always Kelly did what she does best!
Thanks to Finn & Porter, Tower Health Club and Spa, Coruba Rum, and independence brewery!

I have never been more proud of my past job of waiting tables, than I was the night of this event. My table waiting past provided me with the necessary skills to be able to carry 4 plates of pork belly at once. No, I wasn’t grabbing plates for friends. Oh yeah, they were all mine. Don’t hate. Ok… you can hate a little, because I did this more than once, so if you didn’t get a chance to try the pork belly, I’m sorry…
Between the pork belly, the sushi (3 trips), the beef tenderloin (4 trips), carpaccio (6 trips), and the rum and beer (who knows how many trips), I was a happy happy happy boy…
Why is it that these Elite events manage to kill whatever sense of moderation I possess?!
The food was amazing, Independence provided an array of some of my favorite local beers, Coruba Rum exploited my weakness for great rum, and Kelly afforded me a chance to wear my big boy clothes!
The Finn and Porter staff was amazing! The amount and quality of food and the stellar service provided was above and beyond what I would have expected during an event like this!
This was by far one of the best evenings I have had in quite some time. I had the opportunity to see some familiar faces, meet new people, and chat with a lot of first time attendees!
So, thank you Kelly and the Unilocal powers that be… you DO in fact rule!

There’s nothing really I can say that hasn’t already been said about this wonderful event. But here it goes:
I was there
I had the best date (s) ever
I put on a fricken dress just for Kelly
I had fun
No really, LOTS of fun
I ate a lot of fancy food
I drank a lot of Independence beers
I posed for pictures
I met some new faces for the 1^st time
I watched & wondered about those free massages
:
We hung around in the Hilton’s bar upstairs afterwards
The party was just over way too soon for us!
Maybe I should have gotten that hand massage after all?
Did I hear a free lawn chair was being given away?
Was Don Johnson at the party?
Definitely forgot which level in the parking garage we were on
PS-​Free garage parking is always WINNING
No really, Indepence brews rock
That tenderloin was o so tender
Those crab cakes were off the chain
Still dreaming about the food as you can see…
Best event I’ve been to yet!

I wish I was in the room when this idea was proposed: What if I take a some seedless watermelon and cut it into perfect one inch cubes. Then, I will carve a circular tunnel through said cube. Next, I will take a piece of salty sashimi (yes, raw fish) and thread it through the tunnel. I will drizzle it with a spicy bbq sauce and some fish eggs, THEN TOP IT WITH BACON BITS.
I ate as many plates of this as I had the patience to stand in line for (and that line moved — props to the two sushi chefs busting their tails back there). The other two rolls on there were tasty as well, but pretty hard to top the watermelon cube.
The meat and horseradish cream combo was divine, as was the swordfish/​sea bass and mushed potatoes. I tried the pork belly which was good, but that much fat is a bit much, even for me. I manged to get in one bite of the coconut pineapple pudding as that was excellent as well. (It was called compote, but no one knew what that meant. I assume its French for «jello jiggler.»
We snagged a huge table and people were kind enough to join us here and there. Searched in vain for the only other Walker in Austin, and spoke briefly to miss Kimberley which was a highlight.
I piled up more drinks here than I thought possible — people kept walking by with trays and offering them to me. (Even when I was sitting at the table by myself, with three drinks already in front of me, another drink was placed in front of me!) Not a huge rum fan but I enjoyed each and every drink, even if a bit sweet for my taste.
Everyone looked fabulous btw. It was so much fun to get dressed up for a night out — thank you so much to all the sponsors and Unilocal for a great event!
PS. After reading other reviews, I now realize that dessert was called Panna Cotta. No idea where we got compote. That’s funny.

One of my favorite Unilocal events over the last two and a half years.
While there was not a large selection for us vegetarians, one of the waitresses was SUPER sweet and brought me out an entire plate of California rolls! Never mind that, I loaded up on beignets, the little endive, goat cheese, and beet boats (so tasty!), and best of all the compost (or is it compote). Seriously, what the hell is compote? I’m not sure, but it tasted amazing.
Free Independence brews! Never been a huge rum fan, but the spiced rum and soda was money baby.
Photo booth, clutch as per usual. Bummed I did not win any prizes, but there is always next time.
Thanks all!

As I was waiting in a long line for libations, I could sense that my face was expressing the complete despair. Then from across the room, we made eye contact. He gave a very subtle nod and we both knew. He dashed my eye and then he did something that no other could do. Finally I had my beer.
Thanks to Indepence Brewery. The brews were tasty, each on their own way.
I didn’t get to try any of the Coruba Rum but I am thankful for the sponsorship.
The food, Chef Ryan, oh man. I can’t even imagine the words. The steam seabass melted in my mouth. The panna cotta was perfectly sweet, with only a combo of naturally sweet ingredients. The beef tenderloin was awesome with the horseradish. The carpaccio made me almost fall down, luckily I was sitting. The escolar, I love the stuff anyways, but they created some flavor combinations that have to be tried to be described.
The staff at Finn and Porter were great (read story above). A pile of empty dishes never laid around for more than a minute. Drinks were flowing fast and heavy. The organization of the food is commendable because I didn’t have to walk far or wait long for anything.
Erin Molloy, thanks for the pics. She said my group looked like superstars. (Being facetious, because I already knew)
Kelly, Thanks for organizing another great event and letting the riff raff (myself) into the place.

Oh my! Everyone looked so fancy!
I gotta give props to the people at Finn and Porter. They were really welcoming and the food was outta-​sight! I especially loved the steamed swordfish. Yum!
I was first in line for the chair massage. I skipped the food and drink initially and sat myself down. Wow. That was a great start to the evening.
I loved seeing all the Unilocalers in their finest. There were many that I know were there but I didn’t get to see because the place was hoppin’. I’m sure we passed like ships in the night…
I gotta give my shout outs to Jessica S. and Matt for letting me be the third wheel on their date and Monica O. for being done with school… for now. She has many great things in store for her on the horizon, I’m sure.
When I was pulling away from the free parking (one of the best things about the night) I was thinking about how different this event was from the first one I attended two… maybe three years ago here. Back then I smoked and drank my face off until the late hours of night out on that awesome patio. It turns out that smoking and drinking your face off isn’t the best thing while you’re pregnant, so this evening was very different for me. However, I’ve come to one conclusion: sober or drunk, fancy or dive bar-​ish, Unilocalers are some of the neatest people in Austin. Wherever they are, there’s bound to be a good time.

Can I say there was almost too much nice food at this event? The carpaccio was so good, I’m sure if anyone was counting how many I had, I’d be slightly embarrassed…
Of course the food was killer, it is Finn & Porter in the Hilton! The drinks were good and I am glad I snagged one of their drink recipe flyers so I can start mixing up stuff at home. There were comments that the mango rum was too sweet, the spiced rum too strong. Solution: half mango and half spiced rum with the soda, or just ask for a «Mysterious Missy.»
The best part of course, was hanging out with the fellow Unilocalers and plus ones in all our fancy clothes. May I say, we all looked awesome? Cause we sure do clean up nice. I’m both really looking forward to and dreading the photobooth photos. I seem to remember something about boas, tigers, guns, and awards?
Kelly, thanks! You sure throw a hell of a party!

Where to begin? So much awesomeness, so little time to elaborate, and most everything has already been said by the witty and thorough reviewers ahead of me… How about I start with ABUNDANCE.
You know how you go to a Unilocal event and the food is quickly devoured by the seasoned vultures hovering near the buffet table or following around the poor harried servers, and then you never get to taste anything but crumbs? Well, this wasn’t that.
We were 2^nd in line to get in the door at Finn and Porter (I was NOT going to leave hungry this time!) and we were immediately greeted by a beautifully presented plate of three sushi roll bites. We turned left to spy a gorgeous tiered array of tiny plates with both raw and cooked sushi, desserts, a veggie bite, and even beef carpaccio. Next, passed trays of mini Thai crab cakes and creamy tarragon shrimp tacos, rum cocktails by Coruba, and iced cold bottled beer by Independence. Later we found the delectable rare beef carving station. Daaang! No reason to ever get in a huff about being hungry or thirsty at this shindig!
Then there’s the Unilocal swag. I finally got the chance to snatch up one of those ohh-​so-​hip red retro digi watches and refresh my mint supply. Woo-​hoo! Somehow I missed out on the coupons and spa treatments, probably because I was too busy stuffing my maw with more and more amazing, fresh, perfectly prepared food that never stopped being replenished by the top-​notch, always smiling servers.
And, oh, those desserts! The banana beignet with some kind of creamy berry sauce (maybe yogurt?) — I’m not a donut eater, but this thing was from heaven and hell and I probably could have eaten about 20 of them if I weren’t such proper lady.
No shouts-​out this time, as there are too many to mention. I think I talked to almost all of my favorite sharp-​dressed Unilocalers at least once, met some new Elites, and even had the chance to let my husband be fondled by a certain gentleman in a seasonally appropriate white suit (you naughty man, you). Oh alright, Camron did grace me with a chat, but only to ask about the whereabouts of my hawt niece and to promote his band’s upcoming show at Skinny Bar.
Really, it doesn’t get any better than this. Kelly S. and team, you’ve outdone yourselves this time. I am so thankful to be a part of the Useful-​Funny-​Cool Unilocal community and I can’t wait for the next opportunity to party with you all again.

You know it’s a special event when your better half enthusiastically tells you he «had a great time, and I didn’t even know anybody there!»
We ate. Steamed sea bass, glazed pork belly, tenderloin sliders, crab cakes, mini shrimp tacos, assorted sushi, beignets, coconut panna cotta. Ye gods. Did we ever eat. I am embarrassed to tell you how many dirty dishes were created by our party of two.
We drank. Independence beers for him. Water, as usual, for me.
We made merry. It always makes me happy to connect with old friends. And to be introduced to new ones. The BH finally got to see for himself what I have come to realize: that Unilocalers are a friendly and fun-​loving lot.
We scored swag. T-​shirt, pasion fruit lip balm, key chain bottle openers, mints, and a too cute fire engine red Unilocal digital watch (which my son has been heavily hinting should be kept safely in his room… um, no).
We gave thanks. For Finn & Porter’s excellent food and service. For the Hilton’s free parking. For Tower Health Club’s masseuses — I had a relaxing hand massage, and the BH literally floated after his neck and back massage. For Independence brewery’s ice-​cold beers. For Unilocal,and the people who are Unilocal.And for Kelly, of course.

My Finn & Porter Top 5
1. Never-​ending mouth-​watering morsels. It just kept coming.
2. Independence Brewing for the beer drinkers (me) and Coruba rum drinks for the rest. Great selection!
3. Swanky setting and best-​dressed Unilocalers = «We fancy, huh!»
4. Candid photos and a photo booth from a new photographer spices things up
5. Free parking, superbly nice F&P staff and coupons at the door

While on the sushi line, Tasha B informed me that escolar is some type of fatty tuna and that, consequently, it could result in undesirable health risk and potty time. I was scared. So scared that I immediately returned back in line while eating my just-​obtained sushi in order to wait for more sushi.
Reckless. That’s the kind of night I had. It was hard work.
Let me tell you about the beignets. They had crack in them. That’s an official Food Network assessment.
Que review ADD: I was internally thanking all those present at the Nativity scene for our glorious indoor wait for Unilocal Processing. Silk and sweat do not go well together. All the other fancy gals and guys will agree with me, I’m sure.
My brain scatters… how is that the waitress multiplied into multiple waitresses each carrying trays with alcohol and standing everywhere and nowhere at once?
My heart was all glitters and unicorns while I was hanging with cool kids I haven’t seen in a while. Yay for the curlies and for the redheads. You know which ones you are. And I met Leslie! My life is complete.
Then I had 5 more panna cottas. Only after I promised myself to the sea bass. Gee willakers, that was right.
Kelly, running around and keeping things together: I don’t know how you do it. You’re full of win, and hopefully some of the consumables that were scattered everywhere. It was a Battlefield of Delight, and it made my little heart sing, potent potables style.

It really sucked.
It really sucked last night.
To not be or know an elite Unilocaler.
To not be cocktail attired
telling tales of cocks and tails and tires
To not be tired
To not want the night to end…
Recognizing you from across the room
This is how i like it
the mystery
of seeing you
all again
all of you
handsome men who say «where have you been?»
beautiful women who kiss full on the mouth and say
«you look gorgeous!»
and you do.
all of you look gorgeous…
Seriously déjà vu…
serious view of Dej
Lisa and Ellen my beautiful bookends
welcoming arms, finally both
started and ended the eve
and adam and why not?
Actually not enough words
exchanged
ever enough?
just to be welcomed…
always enough.
Learning how to ride a bicycle
is more about trust
and letting go and lo
lo LO and her man
make me want to dance.
Clearly, bf all about service
making the right moves.
happiness
apparent.
LBD girl on girl action
but perhaps more «No LBD» girl on girl action
and who cares your lips are parted
really. really. really.
like that.
being touched like that.
i like that.
Massages helped
my nervousness
as does beauty always.
110 in the shade and you
are all dripping hottt.
Finn and Porter Staff
You can fill me
any time.
your attention for a party
of this size
is monumentally crazy.
And, are you all models?
Your staff
is penetrating.
and could have only have been better
had they been naked.
Jack leans in for the kiss
not jackass ever always
sweetness remembers
the first time we met
gold lame‘ jacket
love at first sight
a lifetime of that
connection
and all intarwebzed up
connection
we know it is real
jacko, your wife is lucky
ducky
and so are you.
(i would have run into a burning building
if i had thought it would help
we can all only give what we can give
to the best of our disabilities
you have a lot of friends
who love you.
Veekster, be mine?)
The snugs, how does she do that?
manga cartoon comes to life
comes
any way she wants
in her LGD
little green dress
girl in hand
for those who did not gander
never taken aback
glamour is full frontal
the girls
are
puuurrrrfect.
The Rez smiling, so glowing
need more words
how you make up words
more wildly blunt words
about art museums
and baby clothes
Mom mom
tasty!
Your House is renovated.
Tall handsome tattooed man
always gently soft spoken
soft words
sweet eyes
newly scarred
not scared
let’s get a beer soon.
Monichachachacha
whispers slyly in my ear,
always best dressed or so they
say. she says they say.
They.
talk a lot.
They certainly do.
we make a date
for breakfast.
M to the C
palate queen
all palatable
potable
drinkable
veritable definition
of fine
discerning tongue
sexy brilliant old school
tongue
somehow always appropriate
The Stalker around every corner
always ready and waiting
this was your coming out party
years ago
and look what you did with
one invitation
loaves and fishes and wine
you are divine
what else do you have in your trunk?

You know it’s been a good Unilocalie evening when you’re driving back and forth on Parmer Lane at 3:30am looking for Daniel J’s car. And when I woke up Wednesday morning at 11:30, I actually thought I was hungover, before I realized I don’t even drink. It’s all about having a fun evening with cool people. Incidentally, the key to finding Daniel J’s car in the middle of the night is letting him finish his lengthy analysis of the beautiful women of Unilocal,and then following his second set of directions.
Elite events are always a blast, and having one at Finn and Porter kicked it up a notch. Everything from their décor and attentive staff, to their wonderful spread of food and presentation, was just as Elite as those of us admiring it. I did glance briefly at the pretty bottles by Coruba Rum and Independence Brewery, and it appeared Unilocalers I know enjoyed drinking the stuff as well. Awesome. I was pretty content just getting a buzz from little black dresses. I’m also looking forward to Ms. Molloy’s pictures.
Tuesdays are a busy night for me, I knew I was going to be late, and by the time I started feeling comfortable among a large crowd of smart Unilocalers, it began to wind down. A small group of us did a little post-​lubing in the lobby bar upstairs — this sure is one interesting Hilton — and since Jillian N. had never been to Barley Swine before, well you know, Elite peeps have certain ambassador-​type obligations to uphold. A smaller group of us met up at Lala’s after that and closed the place. It’s all good.
I always end my Elite event reviews by saying Kelly rocks and Unilocal rules, because they do. While it’s fun to talk about the agenda and motivation of Unilocal the business, the bottom line is I enjoy posting four paragraphs about a place I’ve been to, and I enjoy going to these freebie events in return. And the last time I looked, no one was twisting my arm to do either. Just another great evening all around. And by the way, Kelly rocks. And Unilocal rules.

I had a dream that I was walking around the swanky Finn & Porter rubbing elbows with Dennis Quaid and some of Austin’s best dressed Unilocal Elite while eating Carpaccio, Sea Bass & Sushi. Llibations were flowing in abundance from Coruba Rum and Independence Brewery.
In my dream, I won the Finn & Porter Gift card and Tower Health Club Spa gift certificate while the others won Austin Fashion Week, Coruba Rum beach chairs and Dancer’s Shape give aways.
Seeing the good bling on the dresser and nice black attire on the floor this morning… maybe it wasn’t a dream… except the part about winning the drawings.
I remember, a nice woman would massage your hands with all the cool smelling and moisturizing line from the spa while you waited for a chair massages. The chair massage was just what the doctor ordered, only it could have gone on longer if it were not for all those other folks waiting for the comfort of magic fingers on their back and neck. The only thing that was missing was a cabana boy fanning me while he fed me peeled grapes… But he WAS in my dream.
The staff at Finn & Porter were nothing short of exceptional. They anticipated your every need, including my need to purchase a bottle of bubbles off the wine list and fill my glass whenever it was almost empty. Empty plates and glasses were quickly removed while food kept magically appearing in the form of walking hors d’oeuvres plates attached to cheerful servers carrying mini shrimp tacos and mini Thai spiced crab cakes. The Crab cakes were my favorite walking fare.
They had a sushi bar serving 3 offerings beautifully arranged on white rectangular plates including cold smoked escolar & watermelon; GOII: with hamachi & shrimp in a spring roll wrapper and a Sea Dragon tuna roll. The watermelon & smoked Escolar was the cats pajamas!
There was a carving station with perfectly rare beef tenderloin served on rolls with 3 sauces including a tarragon mayo which was divine.
And it is probably a good thing that I did not find this until evening’s end: a station serving small bites of Finn & Porter’s signature dishes. I did not dream, but died and went to heaven at first taste of their Beef Carpaccio and a sake steamed Sea Bass. The Carpaccio was the best I have had in Austin and the Sea Bass brought me to tears as it was melt in your mouth buttery. Yes, I would not have moved from that spot all night had I found it first.
Other signature dishes which were also quite tasty: seared pork belly; beet & goat cheese on Belgian endive; coconut Panna Cotta with pineapple, and banana beignets with brown sugar bourbon sauce & strawberry cream.
I saw many of my favorite Unilocalers and wanted to make a shout out to the charming Jennifer O. who was a newly elited Unilocaler that day AND won a Finn & Porter gift certificate.
Gorgeous attire, including the LBDs, were in abundance on beautiful Unilocalers. Erin Molloy Photography was there to capture the evidence of this swankified crowd.
Kelly S… You outdid yourself again! I have no idea how each event gets better than the last one… as they are all AWESOME!

I’ve gotta hand it to you Kelly S, you hit it right outta the park again!
In all my years of Unilocaling (and there have been a lot of them), I’ve never been back to the same location for an Elite event. So when Finn & Porter opened their doors and arms to us for a second event, I felt so privileged. Not even a million thank yous would suffice to show my gratitude for their incredible service and generosity.
Seeing as how Jack, Veek and I had all been here before, strategery was the name of the game last night. First, I snagged a couple of sushi plates for the bf and myself while he grabbed hold of a couple of cocktails from a passing tray. Jack scored us a table — right next to the bar — we were obviously winning! Veek grabbed a couple of small plate offerings, we gathered, we feasted! I know we were instructed ahead of time to show decorum when it came to the food offerings, but the hungry Unilocaler in all of us couldn’t resist making an appearance when the food was that good.
The standouts for me:
The Seabass Marinated in Sake sitting atop a dollop of the most awesomest mashed potatoes I’ve ever had in my life. (Thanks to my sweet bf for running and grabbing two servings for Veek and I at the end of the night .)
The Beef Carpaccio served with a crispy waffle chip, quite possibly the best beef carpaccio I’ve ever had in this town. I won’t tell you how many of those I had.
The Coconut Panna Cotta with pineapple relish. They were like clouds of deliciousness and when I saw one lone one sitting by itself on display I almost contemplated throwing it in my purse for the long journey home. But I didn’t people, I swear!
Luckily, and thanks to Veek’s strategery (it pays to hang with vets), I was able to score a massage this time around. It was well worth the twenty minutes or so I stood in line waiting for it. And thankfully, the bf is a great forager, and continued to bring food and drinks while I stood in line. I melted at the hands of my masseuse and afterwards wished I could have crawled under my booth for a nap, I was so relaxed!
The rum was tasty and plentiful and our photographer had an abundance of props so photoboothing was fun! But most of all I liked having a familiar place to return to with old Unilocal friends. Seeing KK was one of the highlights of my evening, and as we sat at the booth Jack and I remembered the fabulous gold jacket she was wearing at a different elite event where we first met. It was good to reminisce. I’ve talked about the last Finn & Porter event to many a new Unilocaler and will talk about last night’s to new generations to come. Magical evenings like that are worth recounting… and repeating!

WOW. Seriously, this event was super impressive. And I don’t just mean the hot people there. The Hilton staff was ALL OVER AWESOME about food, cleaning plates, serving drinks. LOVE tasting the abundance of Independence beers and swag.
The food, esp the coconut panna cotta with pineapple and the beef carpaccio and the sushi was pretty awesome. Gawd, LOVE Unilocal. LOVE THIS TOWN. LOVE KELLY!
Also I can’t wait to see Erin Molloy’s pix!!!

They say Austin is the 18^th worst dressed city in the nation, worse than Jersey Shore.
Is that a fact?
No it’s not, it’s just what I heard.
Who told you this?
They.
They talk a lot, don’t they?
They certainly do.
Short version: everyone looked best-​dressed attractive. Inyoface, They Who Accuse.
Long version: One look around the Hilton lobby and you’d understand why some of the hotel guests were barely managing to save face under the enormous weight of shame they must have felt to behold so many fine folks walking into Finn & Porter in fine formal attire, when they themselves were in running shoes. For shame, High End Guests. Dinner jackets, bow ties, dress trousers, dress shoes, tailored vests, alluring heels, necktie clips, bedazzling dresses that will continue to bedazzle your car seats months from now (sorry Susi). Maybe we should send some of these photos to GQ to have us bumped lower in that worst dressed ranking, if not completely removed. Good form, Unilocal

An Elite event at a place that serves raw fish?! You can bet this girl was in sushi heaven! Add my favorite Unilocal peeps in the mix, and this is nothing less than a perfect evening.
«Well, hello sexy people» — all the Unilocalers looked beautiful and dressed to the T. The drinks, top notch with local brews from Independence and the rum-​a-​pouring from Coruba (coincidentally it is National rum day supposedly). Wowser pork, escolar, sushi, sirloin sliders, beignets… all the food 5 stars all the way!
I can’t wait to see the group pics by Erin Molloy.
Thanks Kelly S for throwing a rock star event!