Austin’s Yelpy Awards @ Lucky Lounge

We are lushes.
We are bad dancers.
We are too quiet on the microphone.
We look fantastic.
We insult each other while accepting awards.
We are Unilocal

Another great event! Thank you Kelly, Jelena!
It was great seeing old faces and a lot of new ones as well. The Austin Unilocal community is expanding!
Thanks to Deep Eddy and Real Ale and Lucky Lounge for hosting our rambunctious lot.
Also thank you Ropollo’s for the pizza. It saved a lot of us from getting drunk.
I must also make a note about how short I felt. Everyone was so F***ing tall! Well not Jenny.
Also thank everyone who voted for me. This was the first time I won a trophy period. I have never won an award, medal or trophy except for this one.
Can’t wait fort he next event!

(Channeling Halle Berry for best actress Oscar for Monster’s Ball.)
«Oh my God. I’m sorry. This moment is so much bigger than me.
This moment is not only for the Unilocalers that stand beside me — Errol M, Keri B, Jenny L, Chris B, Coleen L, Amber D, Amy D, Ardie S, Kimberly K, Mihir and Joe, Veek, Cameron R and Dej. M. It’s for every tagless, faceless profile on Unilocal that now has a chance for glory because this door tonight has been opened.
Thank you. I’m so honoured. I am so honoured and thank Kelly S. and Unilocaler voters for choosing me to be the vessel from which this coolness might flow. Thank you.
I want to thank, Lucky Lounge for providing a cozy atmosphere and great stage for such an event. But more importantly, thank you Deep Eddy Vodka and Real Ale; you’ve loved me and made me happy when I’ve been down. To Jennifer Byer photography for only capturing my best moments and deleting my worst.
This is such a fun night and I’m so glad to have been a part of it. »

Oh what a night! Hats off to Kelly for putting together a fabulous night, and a big thank you to Lucky Lounge and Roppolo’s Pizza for their impeccable quality and service! I was unable to make the rounds and catch up with everyone since the ADHD was in full effect, but staying w/​the award theme here’s my personal list of Austin Unilocaly Awards for the night:
— Best Acceptance Speech: Jenny L and her tribute to Errol and his Bag of Dicks.
— Sweetest Unilocaler Tribute: Deji M’s: «I Love My Dad».
— Most Surprised Unilocaler: Coleen L. and her «WTF voted for me?!?» reaction.
— Funniest (Speech) Opener: Camron’s «I’d like to thank the Academy…»
— Funniest Closer: Veek’s reference to thanking the Unilocal community for «rising to the occasion.»
— The Unilocaliest Couple In Love: Ashley S. and her beau «Helmet-​Safety-​Mark»
— The Unilocaliest Couple in Lust: Kimberly K. and her +1
— The «I’d rather be @ home suckin’ face with ya» Award: Kimberly K. and her +1
— Most Nostalgic Date Reference: «October 28^th» by Kimberly K. and her +1
— Best Roppolo’s Dish: Garlic cheese-​sticks (OMFG those rocked!)
— Most Elite Legs: who else? Keri B!
— Most Influential Unilocaler (tie): Errol M. and Shannon B.
— The «Hell No I’m Not Your Designated Driver» Award: Jenny L.
Congratulations to all the Unilocalers who won! (Amber, Camron, Colleen, Coleen, Deji, Errol, Jenny, Keri, Kimberly, Mihir, Joe, Veek and Alicia) — - all very well deserving. I am glad to have gotten enough time to get to know my first St. Mary’s Catholic Alum (across the river from ND) Kimberly K. and her +1 before their faces became stuck 2ge+her. It was nice to formally meet Nathan and Ashley (via Errol).
It was great to catch up with Ryan S, Ashley S + Helmet-​Safety-​Mark, Mike L., and Ardie S. I had a blast finally meeting Tiana C. and her +1 and talking fast cars, Oil Can Harry’s, Cabo Bobs, and carnitas. That girl knows her stuff!
A special shout out to Mark Roppolo and his staff for cooking up some nice pies, and being part of the first event to have enough leftovers available for the rest of the week. A big thanks to the Lucky Lounge staff for being the hostess with the mostess.
Kelly sure knows how to put on an Elite Event — — this was superb in every which way possible — — and what a great turnout — — awesome! Finally, a special thank you to everyone who voted for me as it really was an unexpected surprise. I truly do appreciate knowing after all these years that I am useful for something!

It was a night of A-​listers, Devil’s Backbone, Deep and I mean deeeeep Eddie Vodka, and Roppolo’s pizza. Oh, and some awards were given out with a bag o’ dicks for Errol.
I felt the Way Ben Affleck will feel at the Oscars this year. Maybe next year!
Thanks to Lucky Lounge… wow…Lucky Lounge. I had not been there in years. Glad to see they are still around with all the changes in Austin. Thanks to the wonderful Kelly S. for another great event! What does one do with a bag o’ dicks? Interesting.
Mr. Smidgens out!

First annual awards ceremony. I knew most of the awards, or at least who was most likely to receive them. Only a few i didn’t know. Only because i hadn’t heard of those Unilocalers.
The venue, Lucky lounge, was cool. Reminiscent of skinnys. Only longer.
Pizza, Roppolos. I’ve previously spoken to marc and i even had some of their recipe the Saturday before the event. Wasn’t my favorite. But the fresh from the oven went over well. I liked having the opportunity to ask Ryan S if he’d eat the bacon off my slice. He was excited.
Errol. Nuff said.
Peche pregame was a good idea.
Met a few newbies, and saw some classic oldies.
Bag o’ dicks seems to be everywhere.
Only had one DE drink, because vodka is my mean drink. But i did partake in the Real ale buffet.
Can’t wait for the next event. Kelly rules, Unilocal is a BAMF.
Congrats to those receiving awards.
Best quote i can remember. EarlMaGerd!

This was my first official Unilocal party. I learned quickly as to the ways of the Elites and it was a fun night. I met a lot of people, had some good drinks, and soaked up the beautiful atmosphere at Lucky Lounge. I believe that was also my first time to that bar.
The awards were unique and I felt that it was good camaraderie among the community. It was a fun time and lots of good people and interesting conversations. I will definitely be back for the next!

Damn, what a great group of 2013 Unilocal Elites.
With the vodka flowing and pizza being swooped in to sober our-​drunk-​selves up, I’d have to say this was one of the funnest Elite events I have been to. The venue was the perfect size, small and intimate but allowed for mingling & dancing around from cool kid to cool kid.
Deep Eddy Vodka, one of the best in Texas, was being poured with a heavy hand (or maybe that was just for me) but it made for an even more interesting night. Ropollo’s, oh Ropollo’s, I can’t say that I’ve ever had it sober (again) but it was pretty good. Who knew they also had delicious garlic bread? Not I!
By the time the amazing Kelly S. began announcing the Unilocaly Award winners, I found myself ‘wooooo’-ing everyone who won! I don’t regret it though, you bitches deserved it!
I stayed far past the 9pm ending time of the event but it was too much fun to leave! From dancing to One Direction with Alicia K. and Susie G. and admitting to Nathan I. that I love his check-​in tips and want to day drink with him on a Sunday, I had a blast!
Thanks again Kelly S. and Jelena Z., you both know how to make a boring Tuesday into a great time!
I love Unilocal

Everything about this event was ideal. 7pm made for less traffic and better parking downtown. A large group of us were prelubing at Peche so I was delighted to see the pies from Roppolo’s were warm and ready to serve. I enjoyed my slice veggie pizza and must say they brought their best pies forward.
The venue was spacious enough to house an Army, the perfect size for the Unilocal crew to mix and mingle. I found myself at the bar twice, once for a Deep Eddy’s vodka drink and another for a Real Ale Devil’s Backbone. Both times I waited no more than a minute or two for a drink which makes a good bartender in my book.
When the award ceremony was about to begin we found a comfortable lounge area with the best seats in the house. I was surprised and excited to win the foodie award! Thanks guys! Big congrats to Amber, Camron, Colleen, Chris, Coleen, Deji, Errol, Jenny, Keri, Kimberly, Mihir, Joe, Veek and Alicia! I’m going to add one more category, best accessories goes out too Alicia K. for her kick ass shoes that double as a weapon and Kelly S. for her very cool and stylish tights.
Thanks Lucky Lounge for hosting the event. I like the venue and intend to come back for some live music and cold drinks. Thanks Roppolo’s for filling our bellies. Deep Eddy’s, Real Ale and the bartenders for some great bevies and for the liquid courage to walk on stage. Thanks Ardie for letting me hug him like 5 times and not looking at me like I’m a creep. Thanks Coleen L. for not shanking me for slapping her ass on way out the door. Thanks to Kelly S., Jelena Z. and Unilocal for making all this fun happen. And thanks so much to those who voted for me :)

Annnnd welcome back to E’s coverage of the First Annual Austin’s Unilocaly Awards! I’m your host Ryan Seechest and I’m so honored to be here tonight with the best and the brightest of Austin Unilocal.The awards ceremony is officially over and the trophies given. Let’s see if we can get a few words with the winners… Oh great there’s the Most Funniest, Jenny L. Jenny Jenny! How do you feel tonite?
Jenny L: Bag o dicks, Ryan. Suck it.
Ummm, okaaay… moving on… Hey Amy D! How was the nite?
Amy D: Well, Ryan, the Roppolos pizza was actually quite good. The ricotta cheese lent a nice piquant flavor to the Italian sausage and it paired well with my Spanish Burgundy.
Wow! That girl knows her food. Who else… Oh there’s the Most Friendliest! Sweet! Hey Veek N! Veek, how’s it feel to be most friendliest?
Veek N: …
Humph, she just snubbed me. What a bitch.
Hey Coleen L, what makes you so Controversial?
Coleen L: Austin sucks. Unilocal sucks. And you suck Ryan whatsyourface.
Oh, I see. Just back away slowly… avoid eye contact…
Looks like Mihir and Joe C are too busy meeting people and staring at name tags to comment on their best new Elite status.
Anywho, there’s Amber D over there, lemme just approach her and, oops! she, uh, just fell on her face. Uh, I hope her ankles are stronger than her liver, heh heh.
Oh hey Chris M! What do you have to say?
Chris M: Well, you know Ryan, despite the fact that the temperature outside is abalmy 75 degrees, with the slight breeze it does indeed feel more like 72. I would recommend a light sweater this evening. Also, Jacob behind the bar is giving the best pours!
Alriiighty then, Chris, Useful stuff indeed! Hey look, it’s the Life of the Party herself, Dej M! Let’s get a word with, oh… uh uh. Grrl is cray and already droppin it like it’s a hot potato. Daaaamn, Gina, I can’t take my eyes of that yo-​yo, yo.
Okokokok, onto the Coolest Ms Alicia K. Hey Alicia, how you feeling? You look stunning btw.
Alicia K: Well, thanks Ryan. I just wanted to say that that shiny shirt really brings out your eyes and the shoes you’re wearing add 2 inches!
Well, hey thanks Alicia! So nice of you! And there’s Mz Kimberly K, Best Wordsmith. KK, describe your nite!
Kimberly K:…Banana!
Ok, I’m SURE that has some profound hidden meaning I’m just too stupid to get. But, hey!, it’s not hard to miss Keri B, towering over the crowd over there, winner of best UYE’s (unofficial Unilocal Events for the uninitiated). Hey Keri B, what you gonna do now?
Keri B: Party in my hot tub!!! Who’s IN???
Yikes. And, finally the Man of the Year, Errol M, lingering in the shadow of Keri B’s breast. I see you Errol! What do you have to say for yourself?
Errol M: It occurs to me, Kelly rocks and Unilocal rules!
And that, folks, is a wrap!

My first Elite event as a non-​Elite (shout out to Joe C. for the +1), and it honestly had to be my most favorite event thus far. Talk about a 180 degree difference– I remember walking into my first event, scared, nervous, barely knowing anyone. Here I am, not even 5 months later, and I am mingling like a boss, breaking it down with Robert B. for all to see, and meeting Unilocalers that I’ve read reviews from for a long time (Chris M.). Never been to Lucky Lounge before, and somehow in its narrow but long capacity, it was the perfect arena for a Unilocal award throwdown. The bartenders were quick and generous, the Roppolo pizza was good and plentiful, and Jennifer from Hooty Hoops ( Unilocal Helps event) was cheerfully zooming around to capture every moment– can you say multi-​talented?
As far as the awards, was there any doubt ever as to who would win? In all honesty, I didn’t hear what most of the awards were for, but I have no question that they were rightfully selected. And in light of the most solemn and serious awards event, I bring to you, in true yearbook fashion, my own Most Likely nods.
Most Likely to root for a team that won’t make it to the Super Bowl– Amy D.
Most Likely to go to the gym more than you– tie between Perry H. and Coleen L.
Most Likely to have their name mispronounced, even by people they’ve already met– Keyseri Y.
Most Likely to one up you in any conversation, in any setting– Joe C.
Most Likely to be the youngest Elite Unilocaler– Lindsey H.
Most Likely to have their boobs talked about– tie between Alyssa B. and Jenny L.
Most Likely to have a weapon in case of a brawl– Mike L.
Most Likely to say something horribly inappropriate– Phillip B.
Most Likely to get you socialized– Errol M.
Most Likely to _​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​– Tiana C. …I don’t know what to put.
Most Likely to arrange and throw awesome events such as the one last night– Jelena Z. and Kelly S. You guys are fabulous!

No one name dropped me or talked about my boobs? Maybe I’m misremembering this party, but I sure remember a lot of people saying my name and talking about my boobs last night… or maybe it was just me talking to myself in the mirror. Anyway, a fun party though I was all full of sour grapes because I didn’t win an award. So there. And everyone’s review is way better than mine.

The results are in! Here are the Unilocaly Awards for well… the Unilocaly Awards:
— The Funniest award goes to the «suck a bag of dicks» speech
— The Coolest award goes to Alicia’s deadly shoes
— The Useful award goes to the awesome bartender who happily refilled my cup with lots of Deep Eddy Vodka
— The Friendliest award goes to Tim from Real Ale for coming out to socialize and provide us with some great beer
— The Foodie award goes to Roppolo’s for bringing the whole truck and cranking out hot pizzas all night
— The Best UYE award goes to Kelly for hosting us crazy kids.
— And last but not least, the MVY award goes to Errol for being an hour late to his own pre-​game happy hour

Words.
Are.
Highly.
Over.
Rated.
Never.
Compunction. Juxtaposition.
Awesome. And Thensome.

I had practiced every day, for like 2 weeks, the speech I would humbly deliver if ever a Unilocaly award were to grace my life. Alternating between round hair brushes, highlighters, and hairspray bottles as microphone stand-​ins, I gasped in shocked awe, graciously crumpled my face and tilted my head 30 degrees to the left before subtly tossing back a curl, becoming teary-​eyed each run-​through, barely summoning the words to thank my fellow Unilocalers, my family, and sweet, sweet baby Jesus himself for this unexpected honor.
What did I do when I won for reals? Sputter «say what?» to my couchmates, wipe pizza crumbs off my chin, jump on stage to drop it like it’s hot (exactly once, because I’m a lady), and then announce the single thing that came to my otherwise surprisingly empty mind: I love my dad.
Thanks for making the parties people want to be the life of, Kelly. I love Unilocal

You know, the problem with annual award show season is that it always devolves into the Hollywood illuminati having a self-​mastu… errr congratulatory time, patting each other on the back for hours on end, the politics behind the politics, haves and have nots, and everyone feeling too self-​important. So, why would I expect that a Unilocaly version would go differently, what with all the Uchi this and Barley Sow that, the Magnolia Lane crowd, and the it’s-ok-to-wait-in-line-for-bbq faction going all «When you’re a Jet» with the…
Wait…
What?
Did someone say my name?
That shiny trophy is for little olé me!!!
OMGILOVEYOUGUYSSOMUCHYELPROCKSKELLYRULESYOUGUYSARE­ALLTHEBESTESTANDNOONENEEDSTODOANYTHINGWITHABAGOFAN­YTHING!
Well, except maybe Errol.
Lucky Lounge — excellent host
Roppolo’s — righteous grub
Real Ale and Deep Eddy Vodka — slurp
Kelly, Jelena et al — wub
Shannon B — My original Unilocaly mentor and sensei, wish you could have been there
The first annual Austin’s Unilocaly Awards — Everyone’s a winner, because EVERYONE is what makes Unilocal great. #kumbaya #crapnotmorehashtags

It was a Triple Crown kind of night: Extensive pre-​lubing at Peche, the first Austin Unilocaly Awards at Lucky Lounge, and Barley Swine laid out their entire menu for a table of us afterward. It doesn’t get much better than that.
Competition triggers the bag of dicks in me, and I wasn’t quite sure how to approach this event. It showed that I can think too much. Everyone was happy, everyone had a great time, and I managed to snag an award too. A humbling experience. But seriously, Jenny L is funnier than me? Like, what’s up with that?
Lucky Lounge was a wonderful host, their staff never broke a sweat, and Roppolo’s had their truck out front and kept rolling in pizza after pizza. I didn’t see any Deep Eddy Vodka neat, but I did see a lot of their Sweet Tea Vodka. And Yay for Real Ale. There was no lack of food or beverage at this event. Cool.
One final note — it occurs to me that I actually know every person who received an Austin Unilocaly Award, and they’re an interesting group of people. Maybe it’s a little less about «best this and best that,» and more about clever folks doing what they do, and being damn glad to meet you. And that’s what makes Austin Unilocal fun. Incidentally, Kelly rocks. Unilocal rules.

Errol. I told you I would win.
I won a trophy.
I declared «suck a bag of dicks» on stage.
I carried my trophy in my pocket.
I cock-​blocked Robert B.
I danced with Coleen L.
I rested my head on Alyssa B’s boobs.
There is a photo of me and Keri B and her titties.
I awkwardly flirted with Mike L.
I touched Amber’s something.
Dej. I lusted.
So, I love you.
Mostly because I got a trophy. Imma hang it from a necklace. Like a boss.

Towards the end there, we were our own dance party, and that is heavenly*
I met new-​to-​me Unilocalers (yay!) and must share with you now: next time you see me jumping around to song, I invite you to jump in with me to get my attention and say hi, I promise I will get to know you better! I received a holographic valentine, awed in the retelling of a bar brawl scar and semi-salsa’d with good company.
Felicidades, congratulação to Unilocalers Fantastico 2013!
*That heaven needs to happen again. Barbarella, anyone?

The first of many yet to come. Congrats to Kelly on yet another successful inaugural event for Unilocal Austin!
The Academy of Unilocal Arts & Sausages did a fantastic job at picking the Crème de la Crème of Unilocaldom in 2012. Another round of applause to all of my fellow Unilocaler friends who worked hard all year for those well deserved Unilocalys! Yeah, I’m talkin’ to you: Alicia, Amber, Amy, Camron, Chris, Coleen, Deji, Errol, Jenny, Joe, Keri, Kimberly, Mihir, and veek.
It was truly wonderful to see so many old friends – some of whom I hadn’t seen since the Get Snugglie event at Icenhauer’s. Such a loonnngggg time ago! I spent most of the evening just making the rounds mingling and pressing the flesh.
But, apparently, that’s going to pale in comparison to Errol’s night. ;)