Autos 4 U

Have you ever dreamed about cruising down Sunset Boulevard on a Saturday night, wind in your hair as you let the top down of your Lamborghini Gallardo, everyone snapping your picture like a rockstar because you’re just THAT awesome?
Or, how about motoring through the country on a weekend getaway from the city, with a champagne picnic in the car’s boot, a lady whose winsome visage evokes Grace Kelly in the passenger seat, and 500 of the most exquisite, British Rolls Royce horses to power you on your way?
Do you love big, bad, powerful foreign cars that cost more than the gross domestic product of a Third World country as they vroom and zoom their way through $ 5 a gallon gasoline like a nympho goes through your box of Durex?
Who doesn’t, loverface.
So…
Yeah, well, I bought a 1979 Toyota Corolla economy car from Autos 4 U for about the same cost as a sixteen unit semester at a questionably-​accredited community college.
«Hi, I’m here for the car in the ad, the Corolla?»
«Yeah, it’s right over there.»
«How much is it?»
«$XXXX.00″
“Yeah, well, what I really mean is, how much is it, for ME?»
«$XXXX.00»
“And what if I told you that I – «
” – it’s $XXXX.00 son.»
«Well, if that’ your attitude, I guess I’ll just have to take my busi… oh f**k me, who am I kidding. SOLD!»
There’s no BS at Autos 4 U. The prices are already really low so low-​balling the dealer is kind of pointless. There aren’t any new cars, but there’s an interesting selection of lightly-​used makes, both foreign and domestic, and quite a few vintage gems like old Beetles, Mustangs, Camaros, or –Corollas. All in good shape.
It’s like looking in an old photo album and actually walking into a Kodak snapshot of your grandparents standing in front of their garage or a mall parking lot, except less faded.
Less faded than the PICTURES. Not your grandparents (though mine were and ARE always high as f**k.)
Any A-​Ha video, the dealer was actually nice enough to arrange to deliver my new-​old car to my house even though I live 30 miles away, and only charged $ 50 more to the cost of the vehicle.
That’s service!
So, to summarize, cars at this dealership tend to be older, and used, but not in an aging call-​girl kind of way.
–The champagne picnic’s packed in the back, and there’s room up front as I dazzle you with my Corolla’s AM radio, and mono speaker where I blast the hottest NPR tracks shifting sluggishly from third to fourth gear. Bad clutch, I think.
Or, just a bad[ass] driver.
God.
How can panties NOT drop.