Jerbar

i think the jerbar is having a midlife crisis.

I’m wasted…
on the hottness!
WHOA!

I sit alone in my four-​cornered bar
Staring at Unilocalers
Oh that review is on? heh
Let me drop a review like this here
Real smooth
At night I can’t sleep, I toss and turn
Candle sticks in the dark, visions of bodies being burned
Four walls just staring at a Unilocala
I’m paranoid, sleeping with my finger on the Keyboard
Unilocal Elites always stressing I ain’t living right
But I ain’t going out without a fight
See, everytime my eyes close
I start sweatin, and Unilocal Compliments start comin out my nose
It’s somebody watchin’ the Talk Threads
But I don’t know who it is, so I’m watchin my Posts
I can see her when I’m deep in the covers
When I awake I don’t see my Unilocal Lovers
She has a profile like I own
Goes the Same places, writes reviews like my own
Peter and Jane say «take a chill, b»
But I cant G, there’s a random Bar all around me
Im flamin Unilocalers hard when the wind blows
Every twenty seconds got me peeping out my window
Investigating the joint for traps
Checking a Unilocaler’s head for naps
I’m staring at the Unilocaler on the corner
Drinkin at the Jerbar? Your mind is playing tricks on you
Verse two:
Jerbar dont cost no money, don’t need no cars
Everybody know me, it’s like I’m a movie star
UYE late at night, somethin ain’t right
I feel I’m being tailed by the same sucker’s head lights
Is it that fool that I ran off the Talk Threads
Or is it that Unilocaler at the Jerbar that sent me a shot
I heard Unilocal was gonna sell for like a billion dollars
and Jane would be paid, so I sent her some flowers
Control alt Delete, waitin at the Jerbar for the suckers
Ain’t no use to be lying, I was scareder than a mother
But they’re laughing at me, for drinkin the liquor quick
If it’s going down let’s get this UYE over with
Here they come, just like I figured
I got my hand on the mother effin keyboard
What I saw’ll make a Unilocaler start giggling
Three old Unilocal Elite senior citizens
I live by the sword
I take my reviews everywhere I go
Because I’m paranoid
I keep refreshin my Iphone App and peeping around corners
My mind is playing tricks on me
Verse three:
Day by day it’s more impossible to cope
How did I get to this Jerbar without doing dope
Can’t keep a steady hand because I’m nervous
There’s a picture of a dog and Unilocal is outta service
I think I need forgiveness
Some guy is yelling, Unilocal extorts my business
I know Jeremy is looking at me
But yet and still it’s hard for me to feel happy
I often drift while I Unilocal
I go to the Jerbar so I can get help
Its not a dating site
you dont wanna be reviewed, and they like to write
I got a ROTD to look after
And if I died then my ROTD would be a bastard
I had a Unilocaler down with me
But to me it seemed like she was down to get me
She helped me out in this End
But to me she was just another Unilocal Friend
There is a Unilocaler who Unilocal with her mother
They even kinda look like one another
The Jerbar is feeling lonely
My mind is playing tricks on me
Verse four:
This year halloween fell on a weekend
Went to a Unilocal Event at the Jerbar instead of trick-​or-​treating
Some girl gave me her name badge
So later I could find her A$$
So we speeded up the pace
Took a look back and A Big Indian Name Chachee was right before our face
We’d be in for a squab’ no doubt
So I swung and hit the Unilocaler in his mouth
He was going down, we Planned
But this was no ordinary Man
He stood about six or seven feet
Now, that’s the Unilocaler I’d been seeing in my sleep
He was paying to use a computer
To bring a girl to hunts point cause he was a commuter
The more he Unilocaled the more red compliments flew
Then he disappeared and the Jerbar disappeared, too
Then I felt just like a fiend
It wasn’t even close to halloween
It was dark as hell on the streets
My hands were all bloody from punching on the concrete
The JerBar is crazy, ask Sid C.
My mind is playing tricks on me

My home away from home. Sigh. I just wish I could remember what happens after I leave… oh wait, I never leave!

One day I woke up and my ass was wet… damn you Jerbar. You should change your name to Gerbar instead!

I met a girl named Rochelle here and she was telling me about her strange, erotic journey from Milan to Minsk. However, I didn’t get very far with her.
Prognosis: Negative!

I f*ckin love the Jerbar. They have the best deal for happy hour. $ 4 Invisibles (straight shots of vodka!!!) and $ 3 PBRs and Blue Moons will set you up for the night. They also have sweet potato Jerfries and mini Jerburgers.
The Jerbar has a velvet rope policy. But guess what? The velvet ropes are too keep the Jerdouches and Jerhipsters out. And that is why the Jerbar gets 5 stars. NO JERHIPSTERS!

I stopped in for a sample, and it was all downhill from there.

I know the manager of said establishment and let me just say «This Place is the TIPPY-​TOP.» Convient locale, good strong drinks, hot dirty women. I give it a 5 based on these things alone. Then you mention the crowd of cool drunkies that attend the functions of Jerber every night and I wish I could give it a 3.14 159 265³
To quote some patrons «Man, it’s the hotness» «I … wake up with a rash…»
That speaks for itself. Stop by jerstore beforehand for all your before clubbing needs and dont forget «they’re running out of you».

Just another lame location of the played out jerstore chain. If you must go, have the chicken wings!

I hopstop’d to this place to find that it was someone’s house.
I got mugged by a jerrobber on the way.

I click my sparkled, ruby red Mary Jane heels together and shut my eyes tight,
«There’s no place like home.»
«There’s no place like home.»
«There’s no place like HOME.»
Suddenly, everything’s spinning,
and SPINNING,
and S
P
I
N
N
I
N
G
!
!
!
And then I open my eyes, and I’m smack dab in the center of the Jerbar. I am being served yet another Apples Special, my signature drink. Lady O, the Jermanager, watches over the Jerbartenders, the Jerbouncer, the Jerbarbacks, the Jerpatrons… It’s Jerheaven, reserved for the finest Unilocalers from all corners of the Unilocaldom.
No place like home, indeed.

Probably the finest drinking establishment you could hope for. Located in a quaint, but hard to get to corner of Ditmas Park, the Jerbar offers fantastic deals to those in the know but plays no favorites with its patronage.
One warning, though. The staff can get weird. Everyone seems to treat the place like their own home so tempers can flare especially when the manager Oriana goes on one of her benders. Yes, I have seen a few bar managers who tend to dip into their own stash but never at the level that our favorite O does. (Note, do not call her that to her face. She will think you are referring to an orgasm and just might right you off into the night). Otherwise loveable and manageable, Oriana will hook you up when the time is right but put you through the wringer if you get out of hand.
The regular bouncer at the door can be a severe bruiser, too. Fati is probably one of the toughest, most ornery mo-fo’s I’ve ever met. Granted, she can be a sweetheart but having been a bouncer at some rather less than savory joints in town (such as tea & sympathy, dominoes pizza, and the clit club) she can lay you out flat with the blink of a sexy eyelash. Maybe that should be called an eyelashing. So behave yourselves at the door when trying to jockey your way into the place.
And not for nothing, the bartenders are the hottest. When searching out where to find the hottness in this great city of ours, look no further than Jerbar. Although she can hardly see over the top of the bar and you have to help her reach the top shelf liquor, Gia can stop traffic from across the street and keeps us all coming back for more. Maria makes a mean Hall and Oates cocktail but, honestly, I have been afraid to try it for fear of bizarre and rampant hair growth that might ensure.
The regulars will have you pissing in your pants, too. Well, they’ve been pissing in their pants at the bar for years so… if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. John and Sarita, while wonderful people in real life, really accentuate the need for some people to get out more often. Kinda stale, mostly belligerent, and just plain creepy, they add a certain je né sais quoi and odor to the already dank and musky odorescence of the joint.
Another regular, Irene, often shows up with her pet monkey who, quite frankly, is just a little too friendly with her if you know what I mean. Yeah, its all kinds of creepy at the Jerbar.
Oriana recently posted the following advertisement:
Here at Jerbar we have;
–A kareoke machine (with every H&O song known to man)
–Free WiFi and tons of outlets — for all your Unilocaling needs
–Multiple ADA accessible clean bathrooms
–Childcare by Craig (C)
–Bartenders who know what they’re doing — no drink mixes here.
So bring you libidos and debauchery. Jerbar is open and ready to twist your souls. Oh, and bring cash. They don’t take plastic.

I went to Jerbar and I don’t remember a thing.
Though I did wake up with a rash…