Funk Groove Bar

good riddance. For the location it’s in this is how not to run a ‘dance bar’. My only star is on account of a couple of very hard working bar tenders who hopefully found better employment elsewhere.

I’m glad this place is closed!
Goodbye weak well cocktails in plastic cups
Goodbye to their fake «free» parties
Goodbye to the bad top 40 DJs
Goodbye to the creepy basement
Can’t wait to see what they put in its place

Come for the party that you’ve probably «won». Stay for good people watching.
I’ve been to this place more times than I like to admit. I have always been dragged here by friends who have «won» a free a party. First, I would like to say this bar has one hell of a scam going. When you’re on the list for a party they make you fill out this info card for a chance to win a party. They should stop saying that you won a party if everybody gets one. I’ve seen the bouncer refuse people access because they didn’t fill out an info card. Good job. I just put down a fake email. Sorry to
. I’ve only used a real email once to actually see if I would win and I did two days later. Thanks Jillian! Everybody wins at Funk Groove Bar!!!
I think you pay 15 to 20 bucks for well drinks for a couple of hours. Calling them well drinks is an insult to all the companies that make rotgut alcohol. Whatever drinks the give you taste really horrible or like what ever juice the mix it with. The all you can drink beer is half a plastic cup of warm PBR. If you try to buy a regular drink be prepared to look stupid. $ 12 for a Jameson and Coke is silly.
The crowd is a mix of gross and old. There is a tall creepy old black guy who happens to be there all the time. I really want to know what’s his deal. Old guys sometimes get a little too fresh with the ladies. It’s hot and sometimes smells from the bathroom seep onto the dance floor.
There is one bartender who I actually liked a lot. I can’t remember her name but her hair is usually jet black and she has tattoos. She’s the only shining light in that basement.

I wandered into FUNK one night around march while barhopping on a saturday. I walked into this dungeon of a «club» and scanned the 10 some odd people standing around. Since I gave one of the doormen $ 5 cover charge to get in I decided to hang out for a few minutes, I walked to the bar and asked a middle eastern guy behind the bar for a Heineken, he rudely told me that he wasn’t the bartender and pointed to 2 female bartenders standing there. Both women approached and asked what I wanted so I repeated «I’ll have a Heineken» so instead of serving my drink, they began chatting with a 3^rd girl who had stepped behind the bar as well and after about 3 full minutes of them hugging and catching up on ‘Old times’ in front of me as if I was invisible, I motioned to one of them and asked «did you forget about my beer?» She walked away as if I hadn’t said a word and approximately 60 seconds later a guy steps up and says: «Time to leave Buddy… your’e finished.» I said «Huh? Who are you?» He tells me that I «offended» the bartender so I ask her if I offended her and she walks away as I am asked to leave.
I’ll just say that I have heard stories about clubs in that area on how they treat certain people… and now I guess it’s true because I can’t see any other reason for the treatment I received.

Okay let me set me set the scene:
*Que bad techno music*
I walk in to meet a friend who wanted to check the place out around Christmas. So of course, me being me, I’ve dressed up in a red sexy santa jumpsuit with white cuffs at the end of the long red sleeves and white boots and everything ready to have drinks and get down on the dance floor. (Ain’t I awesome? :P)
Then, I hear bad techno. Funk Groove? With no funk? Am I the only one that expected to hear some funk? Old school, maybe?
Just me? Yeah, it is just a Rush and Division bar. Okay moving on…
There was no one dancing. Everyone was trying to get the attention of the bartenders to buy overly-​priced drinks.
And failing. MISERABLY.
I met up with my girl and her two friends and 15 minutes later we ended up at Shenanigan’s across the street gettin’ down to some Top 40 mixes and having a good time.

My friends and I were barhopping around this area one time for one of their birthdays, so we decided to go in here.
My initial reaction was, that this place couldn’t be too terrible if the manager was nice enough to give my friend at least 10 free drink cards. Boy, was I wrong.
The drinks ended up being so watered down that unless you are wasted off your mind, you can’t tell. The place reeked, played shitty music, and there were a bunch of creeps (male and females).
Ugh. no thank you.

I will buck the Unilocal trend and declare that Funk is a fun place. I’ll only go if I have some wristband-​enabled special because I refuse to pay Division prices. Funk’s frequent offering of such specials puts one in the W column right off the bat. I’ve always found the bartenders attentive and friendly. For an underground club, it certainly has an underground club feel to it. There’s nothing posh or swank about Funk, but sometimes you need that loud, booze-​fueled, sweaty, subterranean vibe to calm your nerves.

I went here with friends for my bachelorette party. Surprisingly, there are limited options in Chicago for male strip clubs if you don’t want to go to a gay club. (Nothing against gay clubs I just don’t think its appropriate to rub legal marriage in the faces of gay men).
I was not expecting anything fancy or a bar I would go to any other time. I was expecting greased up mens, screaming women, liquor and liquor. And that is just what it was. Men do their little dance on the stage, you pay to have crotch in your face and then they smack your ass and you go back to your seat. After the men dance on stage, they wander the crowd and you can pull them over for a quick hug if you give them a couple dollars.
After the show the place empties out and you can dance and take pics on the stripper pole that you will regret taking the next day.

I think the green St. Patrick’s Day Miller Lite they were serving out of a keg in mid-​June pretty much strikes to the essence of this place.
But there were also the overdressed fat girls with low self-​esteem stuck to the bar like flies on a tape, just reeking of desperation and bottom-​shelf liquor; the swaggering DePaul econ majors finally realizing the ‘clubbing’ aspirations they held as clumsy high school juniors with popped American Eagle collars and secondary positions on the JV football team; and the overzealous servers pleading with us to take their $ 7 test-​tube shots.
When Snap’s ‘The Power’ kicked on, it became, somehow, more obvious that there was nothing to be salvaged in this train wreck.
Funk Groove? Nah, Crunk Bruise.

My BFF’s took me here for my birthday for the Saturday night male revue–
Keep in mind that tickets were $ 20 for the show which was cheap… but you get what you pay for. So, it’s a small room which is great because that means you get lots of access to the guys, but if you are looking for more of a stage show and more showmanship, then go to Sinzation. So what happens at Funk Groove is that the guys come out in costume, do a little bit of a strip tease, then women line up on the stage for a lap dance, and it keeps going, and going, and going, and going. I saw more motorboating and heaving of large women in the air than I cared to, me being preferential to seeing a hot guy shake it on the stage rather than said standard overweight female clientele. So, it was cheap, the drinks were watered down, it was fun, don’t get me wrong, and guys were hot, I don’t think I will be back. oh, and they never even got down to a thong – just sayin.

Shook my ass there like there was no tomorrow last night.
Saw a lot of jiggly booty popping and loved it. You do too. Go!

This is Disneyland on crack. I can’t believe I found myself at this place. Twice. Seriously, the sights I saw will have you running out of this place screaming. Yes, the drinks are cheap (and free if your friends «win a party.» EVERYONE wins a damn party if they sign up for the mailing list. It’s a scam!), but they are also 80 percent water. Your only solace is to get drunk, and yet, it is impossible to get there. The horrifying scene will sober you up in a jiffy.
Here is what you are missing out on at Funk:
1) A crowd that looks like Jerry Springer guests.
2) A highly unattractive women grinding and molesting the fan behind her and thinking that the wind blowing her hair makes her look sexy.
3) A homeless man mumbling to himself.
4) A Michael Jackson fan constantly grabbing his crotch and obscenely jerking to the music. Since he is dancing on the raised platforms, you will find yourself at eye-​level with… anyway, moving on now. Let’s just say it’s not a pretty sight.
I can go on, but I will stop because I’m slightly traumatized from reminiscing about Funk. This is the stuff made from nightmares.

I was most recently here this past summer for my bachelorette party. I had previously planned a bachelorette party for a friend of mine a couple years ago when I stood up in her wedding.
Why did we plan a bachelorette party at Funk?
BECAUSE OF THE NAKED DUDES.
From my understanding (I didn’t pull up the website for details) EVERY Saturday night there is a strip show here. The deal is, you pay ahead of time for your tickets (I don’t know the going price now… maybe $ 20 so you can have a seat or $ 10 for general admission?) and then when you get to the door (I think you show up at 7pm?), you have the option of buying the open bar for three hours for $ 30. They slap a wristband on you and you go inside…
And all Hell breaks loose.
Seriously… as far as I could tell, there are NO RULES when it comes to male strippers. My mouth was in a permanent state of «open in disbelief» at what my eyes were seeing. I think the dudes could tell I am prudish when it comes to sweaty guys rubbing on me so they took it easy on me… but some girls were READY for the abuse and the dudes were happy to dish it out.
Wow.
When the nonsense is all over, the strip stage gets taken up in less than 5 minutes and all of a sudden, the nakedness is gone and the rest of the world comes flooding in.
MEN, here’s a tip: these women spend 3 hours drinking at an open bar, partying like rockstars and are getting dripped on my sweaty men. You want a good place to pick up a chick? Funk around 10pm. They’re primed and ready to go.

Had to go here for yet another poorly-​planned birthday party which was taking advantage of open bar.
Walking in, there was a guy who informed my friend and I in very confusing language that essentially we had to pay $ 10 each to enter. Then I noticed he mentioned $ 10 to drink. I said «What if I don’t drink?»
He said «Uhh…uh.I guess you don’t have to pay…»
With that, I had him give me my $ 10 back. My buddy ended up buying a wristband for $ 10 that got him awful and weak well drinks in tiny plastic cups.
The place is dingy and sketchy, the little dance floor reminds me of a grammar school cafeteria on mixer nights. There are two dance poles that attract the wrong type of people to be on poles.
The place was practically empty by 11. We left too.

Every time I’m here, I’m reminded how much I dislike this place. Gross basement space, flaky bartenders, weak drinks and annoying people.
So why does it still get two stars (and why do I keep coming back)(? First off — you can drink for free on Fridays from 9 – 10 if you schedule a «party» (and for $ 10/​hour from 10 – 11 and 11 – 12). It’s the only reason I go. Also, the music is usually good (esp. when Nikki C. is in the booth!).

We were here for my birthday Friday night, and everyone had a lot of fun. The bartenders are really cool and friendly, and the DJ Unilocaler Nikki C played a lot of fun dance music.

It’s a bar. In a basement. Of the Viagra triangle.
Need you know more? Think not.

It’s a bar in a basement. I’ve read reviews talking about a lengthy stainless steel bar, etc etc. With their low key lighting you can’t make out much. This type of lighting is great for accentuating bodies, but when there are only a few people and mostly dudes. bleh. Plus it’s so small in here, I feel claustrophobia.
It’s a basement. still a basement. Thank goodness we weren’t charged cover on that Friday night. I can’t remember if I saw women, the light was too dim. I think I saw friends, but, with my skin color and theirs, man unless we’re smiling I couldn’t make out much. How funny is that. sending text messages to someone, I think I saw you at Funk. too dark for me to tell for sure. Plus it’s hard to get a signal in there, unless you’ve got a Nextel phone (which works great in these situations)
I’ve heard people say Funk is a great place for house music, I was there maybe fifteen minutes, music was just average. I’ve never heard or seen any fliers stating amazing DJs visiting Funk. So, can’t see a reason to go back. Can’t say I would pay cover for a small room in a basement.
If hot women come here to dance on ladies night, y’all can keep it. I need to see your hotness, not just assume your hot. I bet tranny’s & drunken tourists get picked up here often.

I don’t get all the hate on Funk. Funk, for me, is like a giant greasy slice of New York pizza. Yes, it’s kind of cheap and greasy. Yes, you may feel kind of gross after consumption. But it’s comforting.
This is the kind of place I like to go when I just want a low-​key night of dancing with the girls. You don’t have to get dolled up in designer jeans and 4-​inch pumps to get in the door, or pay a $ 20 cover, or stand around flipping your hair trying to be America’s Next Top Model. Just danceable, pop beats and cheap drinks. And when you’re done sweating and/​or grinding with random boys, make sure to haul ass next door for some cheap, greasy chow to complete the night.

It’s a basement… a basement of a sick middle-​aged pervert, thanks to the stripper poles with giant electric fans pointed directly at them. A basement with zero cell phone reception, which makes it hard to make an escape.
And man, we really wanted to escape. Sure, the drinks were free since we were there so early, but I would gladly have paid for drinks with some actual alcohol in them. Every drink was sickeningly sweet, to the point where I left a half-​finished «gin» and tonic on a table on our way out. I never leave behind alcohol. Good thing that whatever was in that cup couldn’t qualify as alcohol.
Oh, and this may be because we were there early, but there were some frumpy looking people there. You know it’s sad when you use «frumpy» to describe people in your age range.