Hamburger Mary’s

Alright, let’s do this! Hamburger… what is it called now?
I had been to this location once before, back when it was Hamburger Mary’s for sure. However I only get a few beers, and it’s hard to rate someone on how they hold a bottle of Budweiser. Now they apparently closed, are under new management, and have spiced things up. Not getting a chance to try a burger before I can’t compare them, but I can say I’m pretty impressed with how things are now.
We were fortunate enough to have a buy one-​get one coupon, but even without your standard burger is $ 9 or so, and comes with a side. Not bad, but maybe a dollarish more than what I’d expect. We all did the round robin with the sides, and got to sample all 4. I will say that for someone who dislikes sweet potato fries, they do them very well. I could actually see myself eating those. The spicy fries and regular fries, honestly tasted exactly the same. I think they mixed that order up in the kitchen. But oh my god, their fries are amazing. I think they put them in a tempura batter or something, because they come out super crunchy.
Avoid the chips at all costs. They were cold, rubbery, and were thrown away.
The burger itself was voluptuous as well as delicious. However I have a few nitpicky points about it. First the mushrooms tasted kind of plain. I’d recommend they sautee them with more butter and salt. Also my burger was in 4 or 5 separate pieces. I guess the cook did this to check to see if it was really medium-​well, but it came out to be one of the hardest things possible to eat. I was in dire need of some burger glue that evening.
If you’re looking for a good hamburger joint, this’ll do you well. If the new management can smooth out the last few kinks, this’ll be a 5-​star place.

Have never been to other similar venues. It was quiet on Friday nights, but drinks and food were pleasant. Our server was awesome and friendly.

Despite my apparent inability to remember how to get there (I can’t remember if it is before or after Vine becomes a two-​way street!) I always have a memorable experience here. The food does not disappoint. The side of mac and cheese taste just like the kind I can get at family picnics (except with more drag queens… except that one year Uncle Al was going through a middle life crisis). So far, I have had the 909 Vine BLTA and the ham and cheese, both were excellent and I would recommend them. I had the cheesecake the last time and it was ok, but nothing to write home about. As for the atmosphere, it is definitely not for the timid so be prepared to be bring your outspoken personality. My favorite part? Your check comes in a shoe! It is definitely more original than that boring old black check holder.

Either you’re going to like Hamburger Mary’s — or you aren’t. It’s as simple as that.
Either you’re into the campy, kitschy attitude that almost assaults you from the moment you step into the door (the giant statue of Hamburger Mary winking at you does make you stop and go, «whoa,» the first time you come in) or your not. Either you love the fact they drag-​queen bingo, that your check comes in a high-​heeled shoe and there are pictures of gay icons collaged onto your table — or you don’t.
To quote John Waters from his excellent episode of «The Simpsons» (and, really, what Unilocal review isn’t enhanced by a «Simpsons» quote”): ««It’s camp! The tragically ludicrous! The ludicrously tragic!» This is Hamburger Mary’s in a nutshell. It’s not my scene, but I do think it’s fun! — others clearly do not.
The food at HM’s is pretty darn good, maybe one of the better burgers in Cincinnati. They’re big and full of fresh vegetables (mmm) and they even come with ketchup on the side, so you can choose how much to put onto your bun (I hate when my burger is fully of sloppy ketchup. Blarg). Yes, they run expensive — about $ 12 with tax for a burger meal. Yikes! But if you go on Monday’s, they do a «Buy-​One-​Get-​One-​Half-​Off-​Deal,» which is pretty sweet. Take a friend, enjoy the burger.
What I like more about HM’s, though, is there is always something going on. They run dance clubs and game nights and lots of other things to do, in a city where people complain about absolutely nothing to do! My side-​project is screening movies throughout Cincinnati, and when one of my locations bailed on me, they stepped up to show’em and gave us their bar area to do it! That was pretty darn nice of them. If you have a project that you need a space for, I’d contact HM’s — they probably would be more than willing to work with you.
I’ve only been here for meals and my movies (often time together), so I can’t talk about the nightclub scene they have going on. But if it’s anything like their daytime activities, it will be fun and loud and bright pink!
And, again, either you’re into that or you’re not.

I gotta say, Cincinnati, you surprised me. Never before have I been to a way-​gay burger joint. Framed pictures of Madonna on the wall? Check. Loud space techno blaring at the bar? Check. Possible shenanigans in the men’s bathroom? Um… check?
Seriously, the burger I got here, the Barbara-​Q, was great (although the fries were way over-​spiced), our server was nice, my Hudy Delight cherry got popped, and a good time was had by all.

Compared to the West Hollywood one, well, this one sucks. The menu is a lot smaller, and basically has burgers & a few salads. The waiter was completely frazzled with our party of 8. Drinks were taking ages, and this was a Monday.
Half the entrees did not have the special Mary sauce (1000 Island dressing it seems), nor did they have any to give us. The turkey reuben was dry & boring. The french fries with cheese & bacon were missing green onions (& they were out, of course) so he gave me red onions — AS IF?!
Will definitely not be returning here.

Cheap drinks, tolerable music. The space is a little weird, since there’s this bar floating in the middle of the room but then there’s a lot of open space on either side of it, so it doesn’t lend itself to much of a cozy feel.
Respectable selection of liquor, but, as the bartender somewhat brusquely told me, they haven’t gotten any beer on tap. Considering my gambrinal snobbery, I was quite shocked. The bartender was somewhat impatient and difficult to find.

Hamburger Mary’s has reopened in downtown Cincinnati… well the diner is open, that is. I ordered the Barbara-​Q Bacon Cheeseburger and was not disappointed. You have the option of ordering it with Spicy Fries or Sweet Potato Fries… obviously I chose the sweet yummy potato fries! I only wish they had some sort of dipping sauce for the fries like apple butter or some chipotle concoction!
The room is how you would expect it to be: artsy, eclectic, and funky. Your bill is served in a woman’s shoe. How else would you want to receive it anyway?!
Karaōke is taking place Wednesday and Sundays. It’s no longer hosted by Will Corson, so I am a bit disappointed in that, but DJ Flex is not bad. I look forward to seeing the bar side soon. Check it out for now to enjoy the food, if you can. Expect to pay at $ 9 or so for a burger.

Worth checking out. They have a good theme and the burgers are above average. Little pricey for what you get but its worth a least one stop if you are in cincinnati for an extended period of time. Sixteen dollars for burger, drink and two dollar tip.

It freaks me out that San Francisco waved buh-​bye to it’s Hamburger Mary’s several years ago, but staid little Cincinnati still has its own drag-​queen-​esque Mary. Pretty iffy burgers, really, but you gotta love a place like this in a town like this.

I had a great time here, laughing at the IEDC conference attendees when they discovered this was a «gay» establishment.
Decent food. Good spot for drinks should you find yourself bored of hotel bars in downtown Cincy.