Forest Park the Woodlands Funeral Home

Funerals are the worst, right? It’s not like you’re all getting together to high five and drink champagne. They’re a sad and solemn occasion typically, kind of awkward, lots of crying, hugs and at the very best, a chance to honor the life of someone you cared about with friends and family around you.
Having just attended a funeral or memorial service (not totally sure what the difference is) I’m probably in a raw mood so take this for what it’s worth. If I ever die (surely won’t happen) I probably won’t even have a funeral. I’ll have an outlandish party where cocktails and puffs plus are handed out with abandon.
So here’s the caveat: This place might be awesome to work with. They might have handled everything like pros. They may be affordable. They might be perfect for someone who is trying to organize a memorial.
But as someone who attended a funeral here recently, these are my observations:
– The deacon talked religious doctrine for 70% of the service. This just in: No one wants to hear about lazarus right now
– He shared weird and uncomfortable stories of his own grief. «Tears slide down my face every time I see a school bus.»
– He got the name of the deceased’s daughter wrong. Not once, but several times during the ceremony.
– Don’t describe someone has having «served God’s people in the oil and gas industry.» It was like a terrible mad-​libs. «Insert hobby/​work/​name here»
– He described relationships as «love relationships» — e.g. they started a «love relationship» (shudder.)
– The air conditioner gurgled and coughed during the ceremony
– The song volume and starts and stop were really awkward. Get an AV guy or don’t do it.
– The staff stood around in their ante-​room gabbing like video store employees. Whenever a grief-​stricken attendee walked to the bathroom, there they were, hamming it up.
The food and beverages at the end were very nice but it’s hard to screw up muffins and fruit. I hope that somewhere out there, there’s priest coaching and an air conditioner repair man that can help these guys out.