CVS Pharmacy

I have a business plan that will make me an instant millionaire. I’m going to open a store on every corner that sells drugs. Prescription drugs, that is. I’ll hire friendly, knowledgeable employees who will always have a smile for my customers, I’ll fill prescriptions in less than 15 minutes if a customer is waiting, I’ll make sure no one in the drive-​thru spends more than 5 minutes sitting in line to pick up their prescriptions and on top of all this, I’ll give my customers free money for shopping at my pharmacy. I’m a genius! I’ll make a million… wait. What? Someone stole my idea? Dammit!
Yes, folks, CVS is a pharmacy. We all know that. But do you know that CVS does exactly what I’ve described above? Each and every time. I spent a couple of years — yes, I’m that dense — giving my business to that… ahem…other pharmacy (you know, the one that you’ll see on the opposite corner of every CVS) and each visit gave me heartburn and a headache. The wait, the rudeness, the inaccuracy — hey! I don’t have a bad thyroid! I’m here for my BC pills! — all led me to confronting my fear of the unknown and straight into the waiting arms of CVS.
I was skeptical at first. I mean, really. How different can they be? And I was well aware that CVS is quite a bit more expensive on the store side. (Um…do you really think I’m going to pay $ 4.99 for 4 rolls of toilet paper, CVS? C’mon, now.) But I figured it just couldn’t get any worse. So I switched. My first visit was a breeze. A fluke, I thought. My second visit was exactly the same. Ok. They got lucky. My third, fourth and fifth visits were exactly the same. I was starting to think I was on to something.
I’ve now filled over 10 prescriptions — hey, I just wanted to make sure before I go telling all my Unilocal homies — and only once was there even the slighted hiccup. They were slammed and I had to wait — gasp! wait for it! — 5 minutes for my prescription. I almost didn’t know what to do with myself for that whole 5 minutes. Seriously.
Here’s the skinny. CVS has a nifty little website where you register all your drugs… er, prescriptions. When you need to refill one, you log into your account, pick the prescription and click on the clever little «refill» button. You tell it when you want to pick up your order and then — this is the best part — you go to your CVS’s drive-​thru, you push the big olé button that says «Call» and you pick up your prescription. That’s it! It’s that simple! And the person waiting on you will have a smile on their face and tell you thank you and everything! Not only that, you’ll get Extra Bucks — free money! — once you’ve spent a certain amount (I haven’t figured that part out yet) to spend in the store. Ya know, should you decide to spend $ 4.99 on 4 rolls of toilet paper.
I’m not shitting you, that’s how bad it was at my old pharmacy. It became a running joke in my household as to how bad the service was actually going to be. And it got bad, believe me. Now? I’m one happy pill-​popping camper. I just need to contact my lawyer about suing the pants off of CVS for stealing my business plan.