Feast On The Fax

Mary Jo highly recommended this event for Unilocalers along east Colfax, which included almost 15 places to dine and drink. WE had a fun group of 12 people including Unilocalers, potential Unilocalers and basic food addicted personalities. We were serious about the food and so were several places, but a real mix of quality and volume.
Axum-​had sponge bob bread with spicy beans, no flavor and a dive
Africana Café-​the red sauce was incredible
Matarrn Fez-​lots of flavorful food, way too hot inside
Señor Ritas-​lousy Mexican bar food to be avoided
Solera-​missed the food 20 minutes before closing, nice deck, impressive wine selection but horrible bar service
Cork House=-rotten bar food, waiter spilled red wine on me and would not comp the bill, avoid this place
Phoencian Kabob-​lots of flavorful samples, fresh, they kept re-​stocking and no limit, I would go back here.
Elm Bar-​kinda cool dive bar, lousy bar food and long lines
We missed a few places as the night progressed, but really wanted to have a few cocktails. Met Jake the man at Soleros at a large group table and I was asked, where was the best mexican food? I immediately said Marias Kitchen in Sante Fe without blinking an eye but the question was from the manager of Señor Ritas, oops.
OK, overall, $ 20 was a good deal-​but Jake, a few ideas for next year–
Sell tickets in some fashion to secure a better head count-​just too crowded at many places
Tell the participants to put thier best food out-​give me a reason to return!
Have more drink specials for us hard working Faxers!

The morning after attending Feast on the Fax, I found this letter from my digestive system:
Dear Thomas,
WTF? We’ve been through a lot together recently and those of us in your digestive system thought that you had been making great strides in improving your digestive health — but then you had to go and screw it all up. Feel that pain in your stomach? That is the result of us having to work all night to process that random clusterf**k of greasy food and mixed alcoholic beverages you pounded for over 3 hours. Some things were never meant to be mixed — I mean, Ethiopian lentils and calamari??? Followed by chicken wings? C’mon now, we are a team, aren’t we? At least you were stupid enough to eat the mac and cheese — you’ll be suffering tomorrow for that mistake. Now get up, eat your fiber supplements and get us back on track today.
Sincerely,
Your Personal Poop Factory
— — — -
This event definitely had its highs and lows. Overall, we had fun going and checking out all of the different restaurants. But several of the places were seriously disappointing. Its not as if the disappointing places were necessarily bad restaurants, but they were obviously not taking the opportunity to win over customers (or at least customers with a discerning palate). Alas, here are my observations:
Señor Pepe’s (pronounced by busriders as SEEEEEN-​YOR PE-​PES) — One of the obligatory starting points on the tour, we thought Señor Pepe’s would be a good start b/​c we could get some margs. It took 10 minutes to get food from the buffet line — waiting 5 minutes b/​c they ran out of plates and no one working was making any effort to put out more plates. Surprisingly, it also took 15 minutes to get the margs. The food wasn’t really worth the calories, to be honest — though I must say that the guacamole was quite yummy.
Spin-​N-​Chickn — The bus stopped in front of the restaurant, giving me a clear view of people sitting at the window. I saw a woman take a bite into something that looked chicken-​like, make a funny face, then put the unidentified morsel down with disdain. Her companion was picking at his cornbread. Their sides had the vibrant color associated with canned veggies. I was comfortable in my seat and decided not to go in… I stand by my choice.
Habesha — Best Ethiopian food on the tour. Friendly hosts, good beer, pleasant atmosphere, good food and plenty of it. I don’t remember the names of the dishes I ate, but all were tasty. I will definitely come back to this place.
Phoenician Kabob — I’ve been here once before for baklava — it was good. Today they brought their A-​game to the feast. Armed with fresh pita, hummus and some bomb-​diggity shwarma (I think?), they definitely impressed. Their meat was tender, lean and flavorful. The hummus was smooth, creamy and melted in my mouth. Yumminess — For that they get Thomas S’s Second Prize Award — which is a return visit from me!
Axum — Yuck! Enjera bread is not designed to hold greasy food for longer than 3 minutes. The bread gets soggy and turns into a nasty mush. I think they normally serve better food.
Solera — Worth the long wait — maybe. I question their pairing of calamari with chocolate brownie. I don’t like to mix seafood and chocolate — and neither does my digestive system. Kudos for offering a complementary wine sampling and their sausage was lovely.
Africana Caf — A+ for moving the lines through quickly. Overall the food was just okay — normally they serve better quality.
The Elm — Best atmosphere, we sat outside on the patio and despite the woman who was blowing smoke in our direction — we still enjoyed it. The food was so-​so. I enjoyed the spice from their hot wings, but I think the chicken had a jerky-​like texture. Their chips are always wonderful too.
Señor Rita’s — A+ for the free tequila shots. Boo for the extremely long line. Instead of waiting in line, I decided to see what the wait was for. Chips, ground beef, cheese and some other mediocre nacho fixings. Wasn’t worth the wait, so we moved along.
The Cork House — Excuse me, do you have a wine pairing to go with your Tostidos Tortilla Chips and Pace Picante Salsa? The Cork House obviously mailed it in with a mediocre performance. A dry turkey sandwich, cheap chips and salsa and average sweet and sour wings are not an accurate sampling of their menu.
Mataam Fez — Excellent!!! They served the best variety of menu offerings of all the restaurants participating. Food was succulent and delish!

Just for the record, my stomach is in total agreement with Thomas’ stomach. Too much mixing of food and drink = bad feelings in body.
The thing I liked most about Feast on the Fax was that it offered me the opportunity to try out quite a few places that I’ve always wondered about, but have been a little iffy about committing to for a whole dinner. (Ahem, Africana Café and Mataam Fez.) The things I liked least was what others have already mentioned — waiting for a long time, places running out of food or just a general case of not putting your best foot, or food, forward. Oh! And a surprising absence of napkins wherever I went.
As for me, Mataam Fez was my favorite — belly dancing, mint tea, cloaked interior and a great sampling of their food. What wasn’t to like? That’s a place I’ll be visiting again in the near future.
And, honestly, if Feast on the Fax has a few different restaurants next year I’m likely to try it again. After all, I was full and got to try lots of new places for a mere $ 20.

The whole concept of Feast on the FAX sounded cool. Meeting up with fellow Unilocalers was cool. Getting a limited edition Unilocal tablet was cool. Gossiping on the bus with neighbors about their favorite place was cool. But that is where the cool left off…
So the concept is to pay $ 20.00 and sample food from 15 different restaurants along Colfax. Circulator buses helped move you from place to place as the restaurants were spread from Cherry to Wabash. One would think if you participated, you would put your best foot forward and offer something outstanding from the menu. Not so at many of the places; we had some fairly interesting treats. From a ham sandwich at the Cork House, to an injera wrap with dried lentils at Axum, to a nacho at Señor Pepe’s. However not all were boring, Señor Rita offered a margarita shot when you walked into the door. Solera was outstanding in their offering of calamari, scallop and Portuguese sausage kabob, an airy light brownie, and wine. And Mataam Fez greeted you with a belly dance.
One of the places, Mario and Wongs, was already closed (as in forever) and Aquacalientes backed out at the last minute. There were too many people for the places left and waits on the West end were up to 30 minutes, The ‘better’ places ran out of food and crowds made it almost impossible to get a drink.
I did get to go into several places I have always wanted to go into like Africana Café and Phoenician Kabob (which I will return to at a later date as their menu offering was one of the best). We did not make it to Spin-​n-​Chicken but will do that as I heard they too had put their best foot forward.
And for the husband, as he said it took balls to sign up for the event, we feature Bruno’s Saloon. The last stop we made and someone told us they had walked in and walked out as they did not see any food. We did not want food as we were full but a drink would be nice. Well this place was colorful; the owner told us to sit down and took our drink orders (which you pay for) and then they brought us a large sampling of their bar food including a watery bowl of menudo with one spoon for 5 people. Yes it is bar food and not really a place you would go to for dinner but I just imagine Bruno’s is a fun place to drink. There was a table of ladies doing double shots of tequila, tattoos and black T-​shirts were plentiful, and the owner/​bartender a real character (someone who could definitely entertain you when you need a Dos XX on tap). I think we were the winners here, we paid $ 10.00 for 2 beers and a double vodka martini, were able to sit at a booth to sip our drinks, and left the crowd on the deck of Solera.
All and all a 3 star event which needs a little more polish. You can’t win them all.

I went. I saw. I was conquered. I couldn’t (or didn’t want to) do the full circuit.
I concur with my esteemed colleagues on much.
To sum. Yes to Bruno’s, and Phoenician Kabob, maybe for Habesha and Solera, no for Africana (I’m still waiting for my coffee), and the Cork House and HELL NO! for Señor Rita’s, Señor Pepe’s, and Axum.
Again, great company (once again I was lacking in social graces, sorry) and thanks for the cerveza Señor E.