McDowell’s

Damn you urban development… Mr. McDowell finally sold out… to an African dude wearing a lionhead shawl shelling out some private-​ass currency. Guess you fought the good fight McDowell… you’ll never walk alone…
…cause you’re rich bitch!!! I hear the folks at Soul Glo could use a loan. Just sayin’
The Big Mick has bit the dust. Dag.

Ladies and gentlemen. Introducing Jackson Height’s own Randy Watson… Sexual Chocolate! (That boy’s good!)

Look… me and the McDonald’s people got this little misunderstanding. See, they’re McDonald’s… I’m McDowell’s. They got the Golden Arches, mine is the Golden Arcs. They got the Big Mac, I got the Big Mick. We both got two all-​beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions, but their buns have sesame seeds. My buns have no seeds.

I went to eat here one afternoon and was greeted by the super friendly janitor. i think he’s from africa or something because he had a thick accent. the food here is average but the staff is great! i’ve even seen the janitor and the guy working behind the counter stop a robbery! rarely do you see brave heroic acts like this.
oh yeah, who the heck robs a fast food joint?

I think I’ll go here for a Big Mick next time I’m in the Queens area.

To be perfectly honest, I’m a little bit biased because I actually used to work here, but if that doesn’t offend you… keep reading!
To make a long story short… I started out mopping the floor. Then I was washing lettuce. After that, I moved on to fries… then the grill. Pretty soon, I made assistant manager and that’s when the big bucks started rolling in.
It wasn’t all fun and games forever though. I still had other aspirations. I did a couple of things, some odd jobs here and there, but eventually, a few years down the line, I got offered a job as the host of Family Feud and couldn’t pass it up. Since I couldn’t balance both jobs, I ultimately had to say goodbye to those beautiful golden arcs once and for all.
I took a few Big Mics for the road and never looked back. Now I’m retired and trying to relive my glory days. Not sure what’s going on over there anymore. I heard it’s a Wendy’s. Survey says… Just a rumor!

(Can’t believe this is on here, lmao!)
Big Mick, no sesame seeds.
«Now, I’m washing lettuce…»

I came here alot because I had a crush on the owner’s daughter. But I don’t see her around anymore. Maybe she moved.
The food is ok. Big Mic taste familiar. But I like seeds on the bun.
I must say the security here is impeccable though.

We actually tailgated there for University of the United States first bowl game, The Bank of Zamunda Bowl. With the success of the football team, it has become the hot spot for tail-​gating. Sexual Chocolate performed for the masses. We got coupons for free Big Mic’s, free samples of Soul-​Glo and My-​T-​Sharp barber shop offered free hair cuts for the kids. My friends and were able to score an invite to a VIP party at Mr McDowell’s house. He had plastic covers on the furniture which I thought was weird until I noticed the owner of Soul-​Glo was there with his family. His son, Darryl, was there with his entourage. They all had the Sol-​Glo mohawks. Reverend Brown blessed the dinner before ate, we got a sneak peek at McDowell’s new sandwich, the McRib Tip. We ate there a few times while we were in town. It was really fun, we hope they make it to another bowl game so we can come back.
Oh yeah, The fries were the best ever and you wouldn’t believe how fresh & clean the lettuce was!

This isn’t a review of the restaurant – they were actually catering the Miss Black Awareness Pageant led by Reverend Brown with performances from Sexual Chocolate! (*dropping the mic*).
Had their Big Mick – Big mac with no seeded bun. I didn’t even get to order – the owner just said to me, «Some of the good stuff right?» and proceeded to stuff a bag with styrofoam boxes of burgers and packs of fries.
Actually went into the restaurant a few days after and some worker started to talk to me about football, but then said something to the effect of «…the Giants of New York took on the Packers of Green Bay. And in the end, the Giants triumphed by kicking an oblong ball made of pigskin through a big „H“. It was a most ripping victory…» Good mopper.

I was hungry and happen to be in Queens.
I busted out my living social coupons for a free Big Mac and large fries. Went to the counter to pay and realized, this ain’t McDonald’s!
Those weren’t golden arches, they were golden arcs.
The fuck was I thinking?
I wanted a Big Mac and ended up with a Big Mick. It was basically the same shit without the sesame seeds on the buns.
Don’t even get me started with the fries. We all know whose fries are the best.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about … this will help.

Let me tell you why I love the Golden Arcs:
— Two all-​beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions on non-​sesame seed bun so I don’t get them stuck in my teeth
— Sexual Chocolate shake named after Jackson Height’s own local band and lead singer, that boy good!
— Some of the best women Queens has to offer eat here, pretty face, a firm backside, and big breasts like casaba melons
— And no hippopotamus shit, place so free, one can throw glass on the streets!

I would give this place 5 stars, but the guy Louie who’s on the fry machine keep complaining to everyone how he should be making «the big bucks» now.
Don’t tell Mr. Mcdowell… but I don’t care for the sauce on the Big Mic. Eh, like he cares. He ran off to Africa once his daughter got married to once employee of the month Akeem.
Darryl, the former prince of soul glo is now the head cook. Stay away from the fries if he’s there. Activator juice splashes all up in the grease.

After attending a pageant event the night before (FYI — My cousin, Randy, and his band performed. He’s good and terrible) an audience member shared half of a Big Mic and brought up McDowell’s as the local favorite fast food joint. Figured it couldn’t hurt to check this out and I never heard of the place. My friend and I agreed to visit the next day.
We were greeted by this jovial fat man in an extra smedium sweater vest named Cleo. He gave us a grand tour. Throughout this whole time I swore to God that this was a rip off of McDonald’s. However, Cleo brought up two key differences such as uniform style (tams) and the Golden Archs. This didn’t convince me but we were already there so I went with it.
We proceeded to order and suddenly some photographer showed up snapping shots of our food and take-​out bags. Then these two guys came out with broomstick handles trying to get him to leave. All in all — this is a little too hectic for hamburger and fries.
Oh and ARGH! My girl kept getting hit on by some lite-​skinned pretty mofo with a Broham Cadillac. I didn’t mind it but he smelled like alcohol and wet elmer’s glue.
I mean if you live in Queens check it out or just go to McDonalds.

I first came to McDowell’s with my church group, led by Reverend Brown. I’ve been to McDonald’s before but was quite interested in tasting McDowell’s buns with no seeds.
As we entered, we were greeted by a gentleman named Cleo, in a fabulous royal blue blazer and red tartan vest. I promptly ordered a Big Mick and a strawberry milkshake.
As I was paying, Cleo slammed the door open on the associate preparing my beverage and landed all over the counter. Cleo apologized and instructed the associate to prepare another strawberry milkshake for me. I was a bit upset about having to wait for another milkshake, but definitely enjoyed my beverage and burger with a seedless bun.
I’m not sure the quality of beef is worth the price of the meal, but I did receive some coupons to McDowell’s after volunteering at the Miss Black Awareness Rally, so I’m sure I will be back soon!
p. s. — McDowell’s is in a really good location for business people. Next door is a Western Union where you can buy telegraphs and across the street is a lovely barber shop where Cuba Gooding Jr. frequents.

I went here for dinner after the Miss Black Awareness pageant and the food was pretty good.
However, I wish I hadn’t copped that Randy Watson mixtape outside… I liked him better as Joe the Policeman on the What’s Going Down ep of That’s My Momma. You live and you learn.

I love McDowell’s. I went there on a Saturday evening with my friend Darryl Jenks, heir to the Soul Glo throne. He wasn’t providing much conversation, because he was too busy fine-​tuning his curl and mustache in the mirror.
I met the owner, Cleo McDowell, after his skinny daughter mistook me for El DeBarge & threw herself at me. It did not take me long to uncover the shocking truth: Cleo McDowell and James Evans from «Good Times» are one in the same! James faked his death, as he was tired of living in the Chicago projects and coming home to his thick-​neck wife. He bought a one-​way bus ticket to NY, changed his name, and opened his own bootleg version of McDonalds. The rest, as they say, is history. No more temporary layoffs. No more scratchin’ and survivin’. No more of whatever the Hell they said in that next line. James Evans a.k.a. Cleo McDowell had finally made good!
I recommend this place. However, if you ever see a loud man in a trench coat walk in the door, RUN! IMMEDIATELY!

Yeah, that place is a dump. Stopped going there ’cause some mutherfucker that looked like Samuel Jackson kept on robbing the place. WTF?
Heads up though… Akeem don’t work there no more. Only he didn’t go back to Africa. He’s now a philosophy professor at Queensborough Community College.
The fat white guy still works there though.

I had a bad experience on my first visit. There was an attempted armed robbery and the bathroom was covered in some sort of hair gel. But I decided to give it another try.
Cleo, the owner, was tipsy and the assistant manager should go back to making fries. They don’t accept plastic, only American dollars and the boy’s «own money» — whatever that means.
But let’s talk about the food.
1. Not having sesame seed buns on a burger is sinful. And the meat tasted odd — like gazelle or something else very gamy. Duke & Dukes down the road is so much better.
2. The Chicken McDuggets had no white meat and tasted like the sweat from a baboon’s balls.
3. My date took a bite of her Feelit-​Oh-​Fish sandwich and spat it out, proclaiming, «what is that, velvet?»
4. An older gentleman was having a lot of problems with his order. He sits down, he’s havin’ a bowl of soup. He says to the cashier; «Cashier, come taste the soup.» Cashier says; «Is there something wrong with the soup?» He says; «Taste the soup.» She says; «Is there something wrong with the soup? Is the soup too hot?» He says; «Will you taste the soup?», «What’s wrong is the soup to cold?», «Will you just taste the soup?», «All right, I’ll taste the soup. Where’s the spoon?», «Ah-​ha!»

I don’t eat fast food that often, but when I’m in Queens, ahhh shit, I gotta have a Big Mick. Buns without sesame seeds are the best!
Oh and Louie Anderson still works here. He’s pretty miserable when he serves me.