Houston’s Weather

That was really nice what you did for us last week — especially after last years drought and last months 100+ temps. Very nice.
Don’t think I’ve forgotten though. Don’t think I’ve forgotten the pain as my hands touched my steering wheel. Or my beautiful day lilies that all passed away due to your torture last year? No. I won’t forget.
But keep up the hard work and all will be forgiven. Come December I’m sure I’ll remember why I have stuck with you for so long.

8÷27÷2011
Dearest Sun,
It is ON!
I don’t know what kind of game you’re running up there, but you just need to calm the eff down!
Your burnt, sweaty, and angry friend,
Gretchen P.
P. S. I know you think you earned a sweet gig marketing for Lululemon, Kyodan, and NB. But player, I think you’ve been bought and sold. What’s an effing sun going to buy with cash? A whole case of rum and some Cuban Cigars? What a dullard.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh. This city sucks during summer. I feel like the bottom of my thighs get sunburned every time I get in my car.
FALL/​SPRING: I MISS YOU SO.

I’ve lived in Houston all my life. I’ve been through hot, humid, sunny, rain, raining cats and dogs, cold sleet snow and rain,
The worst Heat wave had to of been in the Summer of 2000. I remember this because the leaves were melting off the bushes in front of the house.
Then it snowed in December 2005 and 2009.
Now we are in a drought. It has rained once in 3 months. The other day I was walking out of the grocery store and there were dry leaves. Yes leaves like it was fall. It kinda of scaried me because I started to think… Hey, what month am I in???
Houston WE have a Problem.
I predict Fall is coming early.
Good thing I love the Fall Season.

«I’m melting! Melting!», shrieked the Wicked Witch of the West in the «Wizard of Oz». Yup, I’m about to join her in this chorus with our beastly drought-​driven heat. Our weather is the polar opposite (sorry for the pun) of San Diego: America’s Finest City.
San Diegans may kvetch that every day is a Groundhog Day-​type: warm days and cool evenings but come sit a spell over here in my hometown and you’ll know to keep quiet and enjoy yourselves. And, San Francisco has the benefit of all-​natural frosty outdoor air-​conditioning and Seattle has the lush evergreens with its attendant rain and cooler climes. What do we get? The humidity, heat, and mosquitoes — with a possible annual bonus of West Nile virus.
I like to joke that the Houston summer lasts 9 months of the year with a shoulder of 3 months of «warm». But, as a lifelong resident of the Bayou City, when the flip is switched to «inferno hot», I wonder why we all live here.
So, how do we do it? We scurry from our air-​conditioned homes to our air-​conditioned cars to our air-​conditioned offices with just small windows of exposure to the blast furnace. Can someone please turn the heat down? Between the current drought and the blazing heat, our Bayou City is going to turn into Desert City soon.
One day, even if it means when I turn 85 years old, I will move to a more temperate climate. But, I still love our city. And, it is número uno for not needing to buy any moisturizer. This means more cash for tacos and trips outside the area.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to find one of those meat freezers to sit in for a few minutes to take the edge off of my heatstroke.

To quote Ollie Williams from the Channel 5 Action News (Family Guy), «IT’S HOT!».

Where’s the rain? And what’s up with the high 100’s already? It’s too early for that!
Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll update my rating to a 5* come October.

Having lived up North for nearly 10 years of my life, I have to give Houston Weather 5 stars during the 8 or 9 months out of the year when I’m glad I’m not shoveling snow, scraping ice off my car, and freezing my tail off going between my car and restaurants/​bars/​shops/​friends’ houses/​etc.
Case in point: the Spring of 2011. No Mississippi flooding, no April snow dumping, no miserable 100-​day stretches of rain. We had truly fabulous weather!
It is easy to forget the good times when the seasons change suddenly. It can be brutal. On a day in May 2011, there was a shift. Almost undetectable at first. And then it hit. When it hit, it hit hard, concussing our pleasant memories, and earning drastically fewer stars in the ratinig books.
Oh, Houston Summer. How torturous art thou? The near 100% humidity that smothers you when you walk out the door first thing in the morning. The fact that you can’t get out of your car without working up a sweat before you get to the door or your intended destination. It’s hard to even enjoy evening patio dining, because the freak-​of-​nature weather doesn’t even become more pleasant at night (like in many other locations).
Alas, if you can bear the scorching misery of extreme humidity and unyielding heat for the next 3 – 4 months, you’ll come out ahead in the Autumn, when the northern inhabitants of this country go into hibernation for a grey and miserable 6+ month-​long existence.
If you’re smart this summer, you’ll grab a drink, go sit by the pool (maybe with a good book or some tunes), and let the Houston Summer work its shift and do what it does until the wonderful Houston Autumn weather clocks in.

hot hot hot. sad sad sad.

I lived in Houston nearly all of my life (save for my brief academic stints in Austin and New Orleans — both of which occupy a similar latitude, so anyway), but I still HATE HAAATE the weather here. Sometimes people tell me, «you should be used to it!» And I heartily scoff in response, can one ever «get used to» a perspiring a gallon of sweat walking a few yards from your car into a grocery store? NO.
Seriously how many people die from heat stroke every summer? MILLIONS. Okay perhaps that is an gross exaggeration, but I’m surprised it isn’t around that much.
And the humidity only exacerbates this sometimes 100+ degree furnace. I’ve never been in a sauna, but assuming it’s something like Houston weather, but more intense, I don’t think I would much enjoy it.
All my northern friends try to convince me I’m quite lucky because at least I don’t have to salt my drive way and scrap the several inches of ice accumulated on my windshields. .. Whatever, leave me to my grass is greener mentality! As someone who loves winter weather (I realize Houston «winters» can hardly be considered as such, okay?), winter clothes, winter everything. .. I want out of here.
Speaking of which the extra star is for the Houston winters — they are nice and mild, but oh so short-​lived! Argh.
I’ve learned to love Houston in recent years (I had to painstakingly work through my «hometown hate» affliction), but one thing I will never ever love is the weather.

I’m Mexi and Paki, so encoded in my DNA is the ability to withstand scorching temps. Anything below 85 degrees and my feet go numb and I need a sweater. I like it hot. I like sitting poolside. I like the sweat beating down my coconut suntan oiled skin as I sip on a frozen rita.
But today was kinda brutal. How am I supposed to run in this kind of weather. Or sit in traffic without crying? Where the hell did spring go?
On the upside …
We don’t suffer like our Northern friends who live with cold, wet feet for nine months out of the year. Instead, we pay high prices for hair products that promise to live up to heat and humidity. And yes, our skin burns under the scorching sun April through September, but those wet temps keep our skin looking youthful and moisturize. Just ask your wrinkly friends who live in Denver or Vegas. It’s not a pretty sight.
Hurricanes: We have ‘em. Rainy weather: Well, we normally have it, just not in recent months. Snow: Only on Christmas Eve when Jesus sprinkles some on our kiddos. (remember that in 2005?)
Aight. I’m out.

There are places people want to live such as Colorado, Hawaii, California, Florida and many others…
Then there is Houston…
Houston is like a Carnivorous plant where once you come here, there is no getting out… your stuck in a hole, a hot sweaty, hole that has acid that burns your body.
It might be cheap to move here, it might have the jobs needed to live here, you might be able to move into a larger home and own another car, but there are many sacrifices one must take to live here.
You use Air Conditioning ALL YEAR LONG. In your home, in your car, and everywhere you go, you want the fan on. There should be a warning sign before you move to Houston like there are on medications…
It would read like this…
Houston might meet your economical needs, but warning…
You might suffer numerous cases of skin cancer, cars and air conditioning are just a few things that become necessities, many times through out the year you might feel as if your skin is falling off or you can not breath…
This city is not good for women that are pregnant and it might cause testicular cancer and or various other forms of cancers, you might feel as if you get hot flashes at age 24, itching and burning is also a common outcome from Houston as well as severe sweeting and losses of limbs.
Houston is not for the faint of heart and one should only move here out of extreme caution.
Houston’s solution is to fix the weather, once that problem is gone then Houston would be a nice place to live! The reason why NASA built its head courters here is because of the HUGE Ozone hole right above us and so we feel the sun burning our bodies every day, all year.
The weather is by the way also stinks… in two ways.

You are the reason I always carry an umbrella, sunglasses, flip flops and rain boots in my car .
You are the reason my electric bills are insane
You are the reason my winter clothes still have tags on them
You are the reason I have strange tan lines (yup. that wrist watch imprint is very attractive .)
You are the reason I’ve been spending money on things like electrolyte enhanced water and breathable fabrics
You are the reason my left arm is darker than my right from all the driving.
You are the reason we only see two seasons hot and wet and hot and dry
I swear by everything that I hold holy — If you don’t change your attitude I will move to Alaska.