Land of Illusion

I’ve heard tons of great things about the entire park. I was really pumped for the zombie sniper thrill and it was a totally bust. Not only was I out of ammo after 7 shots, you have to pay $ 5 for more. Half of the zombies were dummies. The haunted trail was pretty fun, the killer clowns was great. It wasn’t so much scary as ANNOYING. Most of the people just walked up and got in your face and say things like «come play with me». There were plenty of places for them to hide and half the time they didn’t understand that I needed them to «move» so I could stay with the group. I also didn’t appreciate the touching. Not scary. Mostly animated scary things, not people scary. Like I said, the people doing the «scaring» are annoying. Very disappointed. Won’t be back next year for sure. You lost 8 people.

I remember Land of Illusions when it was just The Middletown Haunted Trail. I went there the first year it was open, and thought it was the most awesome haunt I had ever been to. It’s been pretty cool to see how things have grown from a loan trail to an entire park of haunts. However, with the growth, there have been some slips in the excitement as well. For starters, they offer a fast pass expansion on top of the already over priced entry fee. The entry is $ 35, and the fast pass is $ 15 (both over priced). Instead of offering a slight discount when you purchase the two items together, $ 50 total. The fast pass is worth a shot, though. One of the great things about the park is the slight changes I’ve noticed various attractions each year. However, since the park has turned into a – well a park – the trail (being the highlight of the park) hasn’t changed – seemingly – at all in the past few years. I used to love the trail the most, but after the most recent visit, the best attraction was Dr. Psycho’s Haunted Estate. All this being said, the BIGGEST downfall to the park (that I’ve noticed this year) is that you’re forced to go through the attractions with a large group of people. When you show up with a large group of people, it’s one thing. You know these people, and your more apt to stay close when venturing through the attraction together. But when you are forced to enter the attraction with ten people that you’ve never seen before, you lack the entire experience of scares. Typically (at least with our case) we were the last of the extra large group to enter. Therefore, ALL the scares were wasted on a group of strangers trying to get away from us.
The advertisements of all mention that there are 6 hours of scares, but the longest time we spent in one of the haunted attractions was about 20 minutes. I’m sure they add time for the Zombie Sniper Patrol attraction as well, but with the already over priced entry fee, I wasn’t paying an additional $ 13 to do that. The Demon Drop is a new attraction, but again, you have to pay an additional fee to try that out. The bar is WEAK! and far too over priced. The entire event seems like someone that has gone from enjoying Halloween to a point of putting on a haunted attraction that was well thought out, to someone who just wants to make a massive profit (and with all the outrageous prices, they are making a HUGE profit). I mean, Kings Island’s Halloween Haunt is about ten dollars cheaper, and you get twice the haunted attractions, AND thrill rides!

As part of our friend Chris’s bachelor party shenanigans, his best man (and our gamer-​buddy) Fred planned a night for us down at Land of Illusion, culminating with a trip on the Zombie Sniper Patrol. Having never been to this Halloween institution, I was intrigued by the prospect and looking forward to the whole spiel.
Now, let me be up front here: I’m a horror fan. While I don’t care for ‘jump scare’ films like Paranormal Activity or Insidious, my favorite films include things like Shutter Island, The Shining, The Thing, and Se7en. H.P. Lovecraft and Stephen King are among my favorite authors and I’ve even done a fair amount of work on horror roleplaying games (most notably, Cubicle 7 Entertainment’s «The Laundry Files» rpg, which is based on the books of Charles Stross). Ironically, I’m currently writing an occult horror rpg, set in Jerusalem just before the Second Crusade.
Further, I’ve worked for an amusement park before. I spent 4 summers working at Idlewild and Soak Zone in Ligonier, Pennsylvania, so I have a pretty solid handle on the logistics behind running an amusement park.
Land of Illusion has the potential of being a really creepy, insidious, pants-​wetting horror experience. Unfortunately, the park undermines itself at almost every turn, which results in an experience that left me significantly underwhelmed.
Land of Illusion is a ‘hub-​based’ park, with five primary «haunts», each of which branch off of a central concession hub. As you enter the central hub from the main entrance, your senses are almost overwhelmed with neon; the central hub is bright and colorful, with a giant stage blasting either music videos or live music. Atmosphere, almost immediately, is shattered. The giant demonic clown that roves the area almost seems to be an afterthought in a sea of carnival food and the football games in the Voodoo Lounge.
The haunts themselves are of a standard, self-​guided variety. You follow a path through a vaguely-​themed area, within which lies a series of animatronic horrors, masked actors, and various horrific set dressing. This would be fine, if the haunts themselves picked a theme and stuck with it.
Case in point: the first haunt that our cadre walked through was entitled «Dr. Psycho’s». That’s a neat idea for a haunt – an abandoned asylum or hospital, to play on people’s fears of helplessness, sedation, medical experimentation, and madness. Cool idea, right? Unfortunately, that’s not what you get when you walk through the Dr. Psycho’s area. Rather, we started off in a cemetery-​like area, then were herded into a barn by a chainsaw-​wielding goon, then an abandoned parlor. A few rooms reflected the hospital/​asylum veneer, but just as soon as we arrived there, we found ourselves down in a crematorium, and then in sewers. The theme of the area was completely undermined as it jaunted from cliché to cliché.
The same went for the Voodoo Bayou Shanty, which was slightly stronger on theme, but much farther from the mark in terms of professionalism. The actors there seemed more focused on joking with patrons or grossing them out than actively attempting to scare said patrons.
At this point, I really have to decry another issue at Land of Illusion: the over-​reliance on strobe effects and smoke machines. Used sparingly, these elements can really bring in a great deal of suspense, but overindulgence made the details of the haunts hard to see or experience.
The Zombie Sniper Patrol was, undoubtedly, the highlight of our night. Was it worth the extra fee? I’m not sure. But the chance to blow away some «zombies” – I was surprised to see them use actual actors there! – with a paintball gun was cathartic fun, if somewhat short.
Overally, I was underwhelmed with my experience at Land of Illusion. While I might be jaded by my indulgence in the horror idiom, I can’t really see anyone being scared at Land of Illusion outside of children or teenage girls. I’d really love to see a haunt or two with a more unified theme, less reliance on smoke and strobe effects, and a hub area that doesn’t utterly destroy the tension in the patrons.
Call me, Land of Illusion guys. I’ll consult for you! :P

I went just to the Zombie Sniper Patrol. They advertise everywhere that it’s only $ 12.99… But fail to mention if that’s all you want to do and not go to the whole park, it’s actually $ 23! We all came prepared with our $ 13. So we had to use ATMs to get more money out.
The ride itself was weak too. They claimed that we got 200 bullets of amo. There’s NO WAY we got that much! I was told to try and save my amo ahead of time by a friend that went and so I barely shot at just the dummies and saved it for the actual zombies. I shot maybe 20 times and was out. Not to mention when I would shoot 3 or 4 bullets came out at a time. They tried to get me to pay ANOTHER $ 5 for a handful of bullets. No! My friend’s gun stopped working all together and they gave him a new one.
I do not think it was worth the money we paid at all! Now if it were actually the $ 12.99 like they advertise, I wouldn’t feel so bad about the money.

Land of illusion is awesome for the price getting to go through all 5 attractions is a night of fun for a reasonable price…

This place is the ultimate Halloween destination. They have multiple indoor haunts, an outdoor trail and for a little extra, you can snipe zombies with a paintball gun while riding on the back of a big army truck!
Be prepared to do a lot of walking! Get the EZ Pass, it makes life easier. They also have packages to bundle attractions to make sure you get the best bang for your buck!
All the staff we spoke to were some of the nicest people! The venue has food (pizza, pop, hot dogs, pretzels etc), a full bar, a bonfire and VERY clean indoor bathrooms, and running water! Plus, music and entertainment!
I recommend coming early and making a night of it. We had a really fantastic time! While the haunts weren’t the scariest, they were still a lot of fun. I’d say it’s fun for kids 12 and up! But you be the judge!

I felt violated. My skull was harassed by someone’s crotch. Next, some clown (#literally) thought it’d be hilarious to crack an Ebola joke. Too soon. Too soon. And then my Missy Elliot vest was physically carressed and stroked in a violent fashion. There were one too many phallic images on the walls. However, the mechanical bull was the ultimate arousing culmination and explosion.

Based on the attractions alone, it would get 4 stars but for the cost of admission, parking, and drive up there, it is not worth $ 45 (with the zombie sniper patrol). The zombie sniper patrol was unique but only lasted for 15 mins plus when you already paid $ 13 extra for it and run out of ammo they make you pay $ 5 extra just for ammo which is a ripoff. Pretty much if you don’t fork over $ 15 extra dollars for the fast pass, you are looking at standing in line for over an hour per attraction for 15 minutes in the attraction. The haunted trail was by far the best.

Land of Illusion has everything that you need for an incredible night of fun and scares. There’s lots of surprises and something to scare everyone.
They open right after Labor Day, operating on weekends only. Plan to arrive early because there is a lot to see and a lot of ground to cover. You’ll want to take it all in!
LOI offers 4 indoor /​outdoor haunted «houses» — Temple of Terror (which has an Egyptian mummy theme), Dr. Psycho’s Haunted Estate (partially located in a «real» haunted house, with a mad doctor theme), Killer Klowns (scary clowns and lots of colorful blacklight décor), and the Voodoo Bayou Shanty (down in the swampy holler to visit the kinfolk that time forgot).
There’s also an outdoor-​only haunted attraction — the Middletown Haunted Trail, which showcases a lot of different themes as you walk through it. It’s incredibly atmospheric.
My absolute favorite though is the newest attraction — Zombie Sniper Patrol. You board a truck to shoot at live (undead) targets in the woods with glow-​in-​the-​dark paintballs.
Do yourself a favor: Even though you might find it scary, don’t sprint through the attractions! There’s a lot of great detail and really interesting set pieces that you will miss if you just dash through it.
Wear comfortable shoes because you will do a lot of walking if you take in everything they have to offer. This is NOT an attraction for children, unless your children love all things TRULY scary, and I mean REALLY scary.
They also have a concessions stand, a bar called the Voodoo Lounge which offers adult beverages, a large fire pit, and the Stage of Rage which features live music.
The facilities are really clean and well-​maintained. The parking lot is gravel, as is the common area the attractions are all centered around.
Only a couple of the indoor/​outdoor houses are billed as wheelchair accessible. I find that a little hard to believe because there’s some claustrophobic moments in both those houses that I’m not sure a wheelchair could navigate without some difficultly, but that’s just my opinion.
The only thing that would ruin the evening is bad weather or traveling companions with no sense of fun.

Ohio = Land of the OVER THE TOP Halloween celebrations (some, including this one, starting as early as Labor Day!!!) and the Land of Illusion is right in there with the BEST of them! Have been here a few times (pay the extra $$ for the «EZ pass» which will help you zip to the front of the lines… WORTH IT!!) and am always AMAZED by the amount of work/​creativity that goes into this production!!!
Worth the drive from just about anywhere in the Spfld.-Dayton-Cincy. region!
Verrrrrrrrrrrrrry Scary!

I want my money back…
Worst haunted house I’ve ever been to. Are you kidding me?
Simply one word…
LAME

This is one of the best haunted attractions in the Cincinnati/​Dayton area. They have the longest and most fun trails i have ever done. Also four other houses to keep you busy the whole night. It is best to go to this one early in the season because the closer you get to Halloween the more crowded it gets. On a busy night i would go for the fast passes to make sure you get your money worth. It is best to wait to do the trail until it is really dark out. We always start with the Crypt because the line is slow going so it is good to get it out of the way. Then we just work out way around till we get to the trail and do that one last. Just remember that the point is to have a good time and to get scared so just have fun.

Best Feature: Scary, lot of trails/​houses to offer, GREAT fun!
Worst Feature: AVOID SUNDAYS! One of the best trails is closed on Sundays and even on Halloween is a total bust. Worth your money on Fri/​Sat.
Last year was the first time I’d ever ventured to the Land of Illusion in Middletown, OH. I went again this year, excited to see what all lay in store! With me came my boyfriend, family, and some friends. The drive is a long one, but it is definitely worth it — they have a lot to see and enjoy!
Upon entering, we found a big campfire and nearby were gift shops, food, and a stage for bands or other entertainment. Around this central area were several haunted attractions. They had a few from last year and also a new one, «The Shanty». We were a little confused, as advertisement around the city had promoted this «The Nest» feature, and we were hoping to see aliens or new monsters. The attraction, though newer, wasn’t quite as different as we’d hoped.
However, that did not mean we didn’t enjoy it — in fact, it was the group favorite of the night! We went on to check out the clown-​themed haunted trail, the absolute favorite haunted wood trail, Temple of Terror, and the Dr. Psycho feature.
I love this place — as haunted trails and horrors go, this is one to definitely check out when looking for Halloween activities! It’s perfect for the thrill-​seeking adrenaline junkie who wants to get a good scare going during the month of October!
Generally priced at $ 29.95, they also offer a $ 5 coupon online to save a few bucks. Sundays are cheaper, knocking the price down (with $ 5 off coupon) to $ 20 per person. Not sure how long this pricing will last, but we were very grateful for the coupon offer to save us all some money!
Though the tickets might seem steep, it is definitely worth the price — they offer a lot for the money, and the trails themselves are amazing. With crazy special effects, props, and ghouls working the haunts, it has something for everyone! While you wait, they often have horror-​themed movie clips playing as well, to keep one entertained during what can be a LONG wait.
Be aware — during the busier days of Friday/​Saturday, it is packed and the wait can be really long! We even went Sunday and the line to the Haunted Trail was a heck of a wait! They do offer express line tickets which allow you jump to the front of the line for a bit more money.
One warning — for 2010, we hit up the Land of Illusion on October 31^st, which fell on a Sunday. Normally the Haunted Trail isn’t open most Sundays, but they opened it up especially for the last day of October. They had the trail «blacked out», which we were anticipating would heighten the fear factor. It was a total bust! :-(They only had a few people working the trail, so it was more of a long, dark hike with no thrills rather than the Haunted Trail we’d loved to pieces the year before.
Walking for quite some time with no monsters or effects to scare you makes it a complete waste. I’m not sure if I’d rather have them keep it closed; it wasn’t worth the money we put into it. Since that is the longest trail and one of the best attractions, I was incredibly disappointed. Thus the demotion to 4 stars.
I would love to go again — despite the issue with the Haunted Trail this year, it is definitely a great time for everyone and it’s fantastic they offer specials online to help save some money. If I do go again, however, it will be on a Friday or Saturday. I don’t feel it’s worth my money on a Sunday since they close down the Haunted Trail, the seemingly longest and most scary of attractions.

This place is getting its 5 star based on its Haunted Trail attraction alone!
But LoI, as its referred to by the locals, is kind of your one stop shop as far as haunted attractions are concerned. This place boasts 5 different haunts plus a few concession stands, restrooms, a roaring bonfire, and its newest venture Club Zombie-​which has a DJ spinning tunes and music videos on a huge stage/​dance floor.
Just a fair warning that the above described means that yes there will be lots of teenagers around. It’s the demographic they’re going for really, but I’ve found that Friday nights are not as crazy thanks to High School football games.
LoI is really turning their image and company around over the past few years. Starting this year they no longer do pay by attraction. It’s now a set price (I believe under $ 40) for all 5 attractions and you can do any or all of them as many times as you want! I recommend starting at the back some nights if the lines up front are spilling out of the houses. The lines are deceiving as they wind around indoors a bit where you can’t see them, and think there is no line. If you’re in a hurry you can upgrade for $ 10 which could totally be worth it on a Saturday/​if you want to go through them a few times.
Also make sure you have good walking shoes for the Trail as I swear it’s about a mile long, and totally awesome! This trail combines just about everything you could think of into one attraction, while still following a story line and not seeming to be completely out of place. They also have the Bayou which is reminiscent of a hillbilly shack in a middle of nowhere swamp. And the Temple which is a haunted crypt in the dessert. There’s also Doctor Psycho’s house and grounds to explore, and a Clown maze to get lost in.
If you’re able to only do one haunted attraction in the Cincinnati/​Dayton area, I highly suggest this one. The price may seem steep, but when you break it down to 5 attractions, a bonfire, and dance club, it’s well worth it!