Quick Clean Laundromat

I love this laundromat. I come here at least three times a week to clean my shirt and play the quarters game. There’s also a fish tank full of koi that seem really cool at first. No other laundromat gets my shirt smelling so fresh. How do they do it?
I wish I could give it 5 stars, but I have to give it 4 because of how scary, and frankly a little dangerous it can be if you don’t know what you’re doing. It took me a while to figure out what exactly was going on, but something was amiss right from the start. Every time I brought my shirt home it looked sparkly white and smelled like the spring moon. It was soft like the smoky wisps of a wilted dandelion. You know that fresh laundry feel. However, once I put my shirt on it felt like I was in someone else’s skin. I felt slimy and scaly and slithery and repulsed by a briny odor. It didn’t make sense! Finally I figured it out. It was the koi.
See koi is a variety of carp that was long ago bred to be colorful in East Asia. Nobody asked the carp what color they wanted to be or if they would volunteer for eugenic experimentation. Some of them didn’t like it. Imagine you were born a boy and the doctors insisted on making you a girl! Anyway, many koi still live today resenting their lustrous hides and aching to return to their monotone sheens. I know this from looking into the bottomless pits which are their eyes.
Occasionally the soul of a koi will leave its corporeal vessel to inhabit a non-​chromatic, but bright shirt like mine. It can be very bothersome to the senses, but there is a way around it. All you have to do is don your shirt inside out (it will feel like you are wearing a shroud of sandpaper, but it’s not too bad). Once the shirt is on you have to close your eyes and think as loud as you can (like in The Shining) «Koi go home, don’t be koi with me!» When you reverse the shirt to its rightful orientation all traces of fish soul will be gone.
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Was on my way to a highly Unilocaled laundromat when I stumbled upon this place. It looked clean and spacious so I walked in. They have small loads, BONUS :) for 1.75, exactly what I needed! It was super quite at 7:45−9a, I felt comfortable. The Electrolux small load takes approximately 30 minutes. I put an extra rinse on my demin which added about 4 more minutes. These machines are efficient and my clothes were super clean! Excited XD.