UYE: Roll the dice @Tad’s Steaks

Phil is the Man, and when I say it, he really is. Covering from how to pull and host the best intimate and fun UYE to being able to have rock hard in his pants. I just came because I didn’t want to miss an opportunity to hang with Eva, But having a night with Eva an Phill plus all the others Unilocalers that I was craving to meet ever since I started to Unilocal,made this event one of the best nights out of this year for me. The food was really good, I had the sirloin steak #7, I was disappointed from the picture of the menu to when I got my steak it was half the size of that picture! … anyway, the great talk, laughs, jokes, and personal interaction of the group made up for that. We were 11 Unilocalers. Great people who just gathered for the only purpose of having a good time while eating. The great thing about it, is that all of us really and truly liked each other. While you don’t get to pick your family and you just have to put up with some of them, you do have a choice of picking your Unilocalers ! lololol. The after party at the bar, was fun as well. We chatted, they drunk, I had my $ 3.00 orange juice since I can’t drink for nothing, lol… I enjoyed the bar experience quite a bit. I gave my first live view of my lower back tattoo to the group, and Phil got a real Rock hard in his pants which I had to feel for myself because I couldn’t believe he did that! He brought my Rock art to a new higher level. lololol (inside joke) I guess when a piece of art is great, the possibilities are endless ! The struggle we as a team had to get a booth seat made it so much fun. Definitely, the night was well worthy.

Let me start by writing that this felt like a family dinner in which we all liked each other, laughed until we could not breathe and smiled so hard our faces hurt.
Now for the complaining. I am so sick of that Tad’s joke. I understand why it is always recommended to domestic or foreign visitors who do not know better, but I did not think it was funny the first or the 8,989^th time I read it. When Phil suggested a UYE there, I was super jazzed since I was hoping that I would better understand the context of said joke.
Yet, this place is not inherently funny, but is just a sad relic of a bygone era where maybe it did have a decent, cheap, fast-​food style steakhouse option but I would only eat here if I was dead, flat-​busted broke and at the point of starvation. This is the place where culinary dreams come to die since for anywhere from $ 9 to $ 15 you can enjoy a «steak,» «chicken,» «burger» or «rib» dinner complete with salad, potato, garlic bread or broccoli sides.
Upon entering, there were maybe five patrons total on the first floor and as someone else astutely pointed out, having a line of ten people on the cafeteria food line visibly distressed the staff, since they are likely not used to having such a large influx of customers. The tables had only mild food specks on them and although Chun asked me not to wipe down the countertops with baby wipes, I did give Lorraine five or so wipes for her sticky chair.
I do not ever remember making the Tad’s joke, therefore I felt zero regret when all I ate there was a small plate of fries with my anonymous female friend. Curiosity won out in the end however, since Karen said that her steak was not entirely inedible. I tasted a piece of T-​Bone steak cooked medium well and while it was not the worst steak I have ever had, it was almost like a flavorless piece of cheap veal. As I was chewing it, I thought, «this is human meat» but the other Unilocal reviews just stated that these were the worst cuts of meat possible. The garlic bread was borderline mediocre but once the meat juice it was steeped in became cold, it tasted like liquid sadness.
I must say, I think this Tad’s location is built on the mouth of hell since it had to be a good 75 degrees Fahrenheit in there through the duration of our two-​hour meal. Later, I was told that the volume of my voice and bellowing the word «dildo» scared some of the other patrons while Phil & Karen made hand motions to ensure other patrons that I was not schizophrenic. This was the most fun I have had since Unilocal’s Winter Break and I can seriously state that whether it’s Tad’s or some other version of culinary hell, these are the people I would follow anywhere, because we always have a good time.

Over the course of my life I have done unspeakable, if even horrific, things to my body. Things that should not be spoken of in public. Shameful things…
Tad’s Steaks is one of those things that entered my body and exited out of different orifices. I had been here a bunch of times during my youth. They days when my friends and I had little money, sat all the way up top at the old Garden cheapo blue seats to watch the Rangers, then hit Tad’s like ballers for a faux steak dinner. Those were the days.
Well, we went old-​school here for this UYE that I threw together to celebrate a bit of NYC history, and to pay respects to an age-​old Unilocal talk thread comment that is still brought up to this day. Those brave souls that joined me got to experience first-​hand what a meal at Tad’s truly entails. They may never forgive me.
Cheap slabs of questionable meats, baked potatoes, and garlic bread all served on a beat up old silver pan soaking up all that fatty meat sweat juice. Oh, and a small bowl of side salad with some sort of special sauce smegma dressing on top. Glasses of wine covered by saran wrap. You place your meal on an ancient red tray and find a table in the empty dining room with sticky seats and cheesy red décor right from the early 80’s. At least the beer was cold, and where else can you get a steak dinner like this for $ 20?
Oh, dear lord what have I done?
Yet, this was pretty much an epic UYE. A ton of fun and laughs. So many inappropriate things were said. Loud and boisterous to the point I thought we were going to be kicked out at any moment. Kicked out of Tad’s? It was like one large disfunctional family getting together to have dinner. This was an old-​school type UYE that was the norm years ago. We kept the fun going by after-​partying at Rudy’s Bar in Hells Kitchen afterwards until the wee hours. Cheap beer and fireball shots for all.
Today my stomach, colon, and toilet bowl hates me.
Possibly, all the Unilocalers who joined me for this also hate me now. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, but I thank you all for coming and being a part of this mess. Big props to all!
Excuse me, I need to run to the bathroom now.

WHY did you do this awful thing, Phil?!? You couldn’t leave well enough alone in Unilocal Talk. But you had to drag us out kicking, screaming and ramming copious but questionable meats down our gullets garnished with sodium laced garlic bread.
Truth be told, we were getting cold feet before you got there. We contemplated beating out of there for a happy meal at McD’s, but I was like a deer in headlights watching the flames dance on the grill and lick the charred bovine remains. Or was that me licking the window?
Haha on the Saran wrapped wine glass trick. I fell for the one you put on the toilet last time. And that wasn’t ranch or Caesar salad dressing was it? Sorry Karen.
Awesome UYE Big Guy! :retch: It’s not an official PhilYE unless you squirt from all your orifices.