Barracuda

I was very disappointed about Barracuda! I have heard radio ads and saw TV commercials. I was really excited to go to Barracuda’s. It was filled with teeny boppers and punks. It seemed like everyone was having their 21 birthday there. The place is huge dance floor and has some okay VIP rooms but it was all it was made out to be. It took almost an hour to get a drink and when I did, it tasted like it was watered down. Staff didn’t really care about anyone but there friends. I guess you have to know someone to get good service.

Went here with a bunch of friends one night and reserved a VIP table.
a) probably half of our party had stuff stolen from them, including pickpocketed wallets and girls’ necklaces missing off their bodies by the end of the night.
b) it took at least half an hour each time to get a drink at the bar, so we ended up standing at the bar most of the night. the bartenders kept ignoring us. also noticed they charged us for premium liquor on well drinks. the only time the bartenders gave us a second look was when their tip was unsatisfying, and the chick actually had the balls to walk up to my friend and ask for more money.

It was just horrible

This club has such a big dance floor you don’t feel like you’re going to get run over by whoever is next to you, a definite plus. Its get busy, but that just makes it more fun right? The few times I’ve gone there hasn’t been a cover so extra bonus. The drinks aren’t the best, but when you come to a place like this don’t expect magic.
Overall, its a fun place to come and dance and forget about the week you just had. And with no cover you can’t complain really, whats the harm in trying it out?

The ONLY good thing about this place is the dance floor.
Drinks: Expensive 7 – 10 and weak
Music: Top 40 mixed together with virtual DJ [the DJ is total fucking shit]
Vibe: Do you remember all those ugly bitches that would fight?
Its usually 10 to get in for weak drinks, horrible music, no pretty people, VIP is top floor, but looking down on what?

it was fat tuesday…
my friend and i didn’t know where to go…
she suggested the only place she’s ever been to in oregon…
we get there, and dayum! there’s a line! (it must be bumpin)…
there’s no cover charge — sweet…
we get inside and it’s not bumpin, but it’s still early…
the venue is pretty big and pretty damn nice, there’s an upstairs and a downstairs, and three bars…
i am love love loving the music…
we are two of 8 asian people in there…
a group of asian guys keep following us (just because we’re asian, doesn’t mean we like you!!!)…
people are dancing on the go-​go stages so i decide to jump up there only to be booted off by amazonian girls (what can a small asian girl do in this situation?)…
my friend and i keep dancing and having a good time anyway…
creepers keep trying to dance with us left and right, but i give the «heckkk no» signal to all of them and none of them get it…
some dude comes to our rescue (thank you guy!)…
the music stops and they announce that flavor flav is in the building, he jumps on stage and starts spitting, the music comes back on…
while dancing on the floor, flavor flav walks right past us… he’s kind of short…
my friend and i leave sweaty, danced out, a little tipsy, and as some pretty satisfied customers :)

I come here at least once a month for the Sinn-​Savvy production of the «Rose-​Hip Review» a monthly burlesque show. A few times I have been here for bachelor-​ette parties and I do say that this place does really cater to those kind of groups with semi-​private spaces for small parties of people upstairs.
When you come here on a regular visit, don’t expect great experiences past the great sounding dance music that will resonate through your skull. The drinks are expensive, it costs $ 4 for a 12oz can of PBR, and on the weak side.
All and all on a normal weekend night, its a meat market.

Love this place the staff is awesome, friendly, and the drinks are great. The GoGo dancers are very nice, fun and great to be around. I have enjoyed several nights of just dancing whether it be on my own or with friends. They have a decent menu, nachos were great, and I suggest the Skittle Infused Vodka drink.
Barracuda has always treated me great, and I definitely recommend this place to anyone looking to have a great night.

Ok– so after reading the previous reviews– I’m wondering if they all went alone? I NEVER go out by myself because when I do– I feel like I’m being thrown into a meat market– no matter WHERE I go!
Every place has scumbags and sluts, and given that this is a dance club, there are a decent amount in there. However– this club is HUGE! There’s always around 900‑1400 people inside, so to say that there are some scumbags inside is like saying a city has a few permiscuous women– you’re going to see a few just because of the mass amount of people!
However– I have always gone with friends and never have a scumbag issue here. The bartenders are amazing! At first– I thought my drinks were weak– then realized how fast I got tipsy off of them! They’re not weak at all! They are just well trained and good at making drinks taste good! I was shocked at how many say that they are expensive– what the heck are they ordering??? I get Long Islands, fruity drinks, and whatnot, and they always seem to be average if not cheaper there! They’ve got a skittle vodka that’s amazing! And have a $ 3 drink special on it!
The GoGo dancers are awesome and can ACTUALLY dance! These girls aren’t trying to dress «seduce» the crowd but make it a fun atmosphere!
I will admit– the bar by the dancefloor is always crowded, but there are 4 bars and like 8 bartenders, 2 servers, and 2 beer tubs, so you really don’t have to wait in line long.
They have a giant dance floor, which is awesome for a girls night out! I like using the coatcheck there as it’s an ACTUAL room built for checking coats, not just like a roll-​back bar behind a desk.
The staff is always friendly, and the security guards seem down to earth. You can periodically catch them dancing to music as well!
Friday nights are ladies nights so girls get in free before midnight, and I found out from the doorgirl that if you call in ahead, you can be added on a guestlist and be VIP– and AVOID COVER! :D You just have to be in by a certain time (11pm on Fridays, and 10 pm on Saturdays– but SOO worth it!) If you get there late– it’s only $ 5 which is WAYYY cheaper than any other decent bar on a saturday night!
If you are looking to go out dancing in Portland, this is definitely the least scandalous and most fun… but I highly recommend going with friends :)

I shall preface this by first saying that the ONLY reason I went to this shit hole. Was because Ed Forman was doing a show there.
I judge bars by their service and their drinks. Also by the type of people that patron the facilities. So let’s break it down.
Service: One bar tender. ONE bartender. ONE FUCKING BARTENDER!!! Really? I mean COME ON! What in hell man? It took forever to get a drink.
Drinks: You get the choice of 5 different beers. All horrid domestic mass produced garbage. So I ordered a Vodka Cranberry. Took a sip and it tasted like straight up juice. There wasn’t a hint of vodka. I mean that, I really mean that. Not a hint of vodka.
And the people… oooooh the people! My god. A bunch of 21 year old men looking to hump anything with a hole.
I hope I never end up at this pile of dung again. Wow man. Wow.

Well, my girl lives out in Washougal, and when I visited, we decided we should get away from the town and go clubbing in the nearest city. We heard of and found Barracudas. If I could go back in time, I would advise ourselves to explore further.
I can sum this up in one word fragments: trashy, ghetto, slutty, expensive, original (and yeah i say that with sarcasm) and crowded.
To add some more words: rude people (especially the bartenders) and I felt like an animal being hunted down by a pack of rabid male tigers. I felt violated even though nothing happened. But when someone’s staring you down, you can’t help but to think the worst.
One visit was enough. I won’t be back. No mercy for this club.

If you are looking for a spot in Portland to hook up, look no further. Fair warning though, the people in here looking to hook up aren’t the choicest apples in the barrel. To be fair, they aren’t even the barrel, they are rotting on the ground next to the tree.
The place was packed when I stopped in and there was maybe three decent looking people out of the 300 or so stuffed into the place. I’m not even going to mention the «go-​go» dancers. Train wrecks are sexier.
Drinks were really weak for the price, and the bartenders only seemed interested in getting the ugly girls dressed as total sluts as hammered as possible. I often wonder what it would be like not to have standards of any kind, now I know.
In summary, if you are looking to spend a fortune on weak drinks in the attempt to hook up with a girl so ugly even her mother doesn’t love her, then by all means stop on by!

Wow, I cant believe I ended up here of all places on new years eve. I am no stranger to Portland nightlife and clubbing, been going to raves and dance clubs since ’95, and until NYE I had never set foot in this venue. It was generally regarded as crappy mainstream garbage where women go for free date rape in a lot of my social circles. So I went into it kind of expecting SUCK.
Anyways, the first portion of my night wasn’t going to well, wasn’t feeling the dive bars and we wanted to dance. Got up to the door and found there was a $ 25 cover. not good. Didn’t wanna be a buzzkill so I said screw it and coughed up the dough. Went in and the music was bumpin and the place was packed. The DJ was throwin’ down some dance hits with a hard ⁴⁄₄ beat laid down over it. HELLS YA! The crowd, well hey, wasn’t really what I’m used to but everyone was very friendly to me and i was just there to get my drink on and dance anyhow.
So again, the music was fun. The drinks were stupid expensive ($ 16 for a double vodka redbull, well vodka). Whatever though, I was having a blast being inebriated and dancing to some kickass ‘choons with some crazy ass woman. So not only did I lose my socks at the Nines, I lost my ass ’cause I danced it off here. Ah wells, thankfully Norstroms rack was nearby and they have plenty of jeans to fix the ass, cause thats what nice jeans are all about, am I right or am I right???
Will I go back? Eh, who knows. Did I have a kickass time? You betcha!

If your a girl that likes being fondled, disrespected and vomitted on while dancing to mindless club top 40 then this is the club for you. Dont forget to use a condom.
If your a guy that likes fondling wannabe strippers and hookers then you might like this club. The drinks are spendy, the vip is a joke (wow i get what in the vip? a bar? isnt that in the non vip? oh it is… then why am i paying for this?) If your a sailor you will like this club… If your a sleazebag you might actually enjoy barracuda.

On sale now: apple bottom jeans and boots with the fur! Prices low, low, low!
In all seriousness, this place sucks. It’s expensive and they refused to let my friend in because he was wearing cut-​off shorts… And don’t even get me started on the dancers.
On the plus side, if you hate hipsters, there probably won’t be any because they won’t pass the dress code… and would never want to get in anyway.

This place is GREAT… when you’re 21. Maybe even 22.
But man, you hit 23 and no WAY. I’m still, for some reason, on their MySpace page and the types of parties they have are… stupid. Maybe my taste has matured as I’ve gotten older but it’s all some twist on girls dressing like skanks. Original.
If you get there before 10, there’s no absurd $ 10 cover but the drinks are exxxxxxpensive and you have to wait forever to snag a drink. The dance floor is huge, but it won’t save you from feeling like a piece of meat. Literally, I finally understood what that meant because men stand on the sides, literally, hunting you down. I’m sure the ladies might do this too, but not to me so I can’t speak for it. Anyway, be ready to ninja some wandering hands. The music is your typical hip-​hop & newer radio tunes.
So yeah, come here for your 21^st, I’m sure it’d be grand. Otherwise let’s turn up the expectations and head elsewhere.

Scary… nuff said.
K, wait, not nuff said… I got humped by a middle aged Indian man.
Nuff said.

My first experience of being part of a spam musubi…
One of my friends had his going away party here this past Saturday night. We had just won a volleyball tournament that day so a really big group got together. The wife wasn’t up for going out but gave me the green light to hang out with the youngins for the evening. Never been to the place but was kind of nervous since half the group seemed to hate the ‘cuda.
The first thing I notice walking in the place that it’s big (for Portland). Not the cleanest or nicest looking place but it’s got lots of room. Second thing is that it’s expensive. A small round of like 6 drinks rang up close to $ 100…that’s kinda nutty. Next thing is that they don’t screen who goes to dance up on stage… in some places in Asia they pull you down off the stage/​speaker/​bar if you don’t meet a certain standard.
Lastly, there is a lot of grinding going on here. I’m not a big guy, not tall, not round. Two of my buddies (6’6 and 6’5) were shakin it with two girls of the larger variety and decided to pull me in between in what I could only later describe as ‘spam musubi’: two tall asian guys on the outside surrounding two big white girls, smushing a little asian fellow in the middle. It was really strange and unnatural as spam musubi itself.
I am banned from ever going to a club after telling the story to the wifey.

Wow if only I knew of Unilocal in 2004 when I dropped by here I would’ve known to avoid it.
At the time I was still living in Canada and as most Americans & Canadians know you can just drive across the border without a passport just a driver’s license and birth certificate is sufficient enough.
Apparently it’s enough to go into another country but not into this club. If you have visitors from out of town make sure they have their passport with them, because a regular ID will not work here.
Requests to speak with the manager yielded nothing and then the Barracuda bouncer had the balls to suggest that he would’ve let us in if we gave him some money instead of calling the manager and saying how it’s Oregon law that the passport is required.
Well here’s something I learned from New York — FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCK.
Since practically all the other bars and clubs in town didn’t seem to have a problem with me, I say you’re just full of it.
I’m glad I never went in.

My next door neighbor constantly has to reprimand her dog’s «distasteful primal habits» by exclaiming «NO Tank, NO humpy bumpy!»
Similarly, I would not recommend entering Barracuda without this articulation prepared, practiced, and perfected — accompanied with a swift shake of the index finger.
Moment of truth: for the first 2 minutes I just thought that pining over an outfit for 40 minutes had finally paid off. Honestly, who doesn’t dream the dream of being the hot child in the city? But one minute you’re merrily singing a catchy song and then BOOM, you realize it’s ABOUT PROSTITUTION. Wow. And just like the song, each time I end up at Barracuda, the meaning of the club becomes more and more apparent. In the words of my ingenuous neighbor, it’s all about the humpy bumpy.
Since then, my short lived attempts of reversing the reputation end with the instantaneous unmasked and unapologetic meat market vibe. Following this is the U-​turn walk of shame back outside where I witness the «dreamers» standing in line and preparing by getting down to business with innocent concrete pillars and the indolent trunks, hoods and bumpers of taxi cabs.
TO RECAP: stop while your ‘hot child in the city’ dream is still alive. And watch out for Tank.