King County Jail

i really don’t enjoy giving one star reviews but then i wouldn’t be a true Unilocal elite if i didn’t give my honest feedback.
my stay here was booked through SPD on a friday night and right from the beginning, i could tell this would not be a great vacation.
the building exterior has no pizzazz at all. i think it was designed using the «public school» style architecture that was oh so popular back during the late 70s, early 80s for this type of facility — very government-​in-​a-​dystopian-​future-​esque. the same theme was carried on into the interior as well, what with the off-​white florescent lighting (hella unflattering to my skin tone :(), 2 tone grey paint over cinder block walls, and the exposed polished cement flooring. i’m not sure what the next step down from shabby chic (just shabby perhaps?) is but that’s what i’d consider the ambiance here to be which is fine if that’s what they’re going for. the cinder block wall/​concrete floor combo is not conducive to carrying on a conversation in a civilized tone — voices tended to bounce off the walls, leading you to raise your voice to be heard, which would then bounce off the wall, leading you to again raise your voice to be heard. it was a cycle.
they were TOTALLY overbooked for the weekend so i didn’t get my own room, just a vinyl futon (lumpy and didn’t breathe well at all. read — you sweat a lot) and a spot in the day room. the spa area left much to be desired (but little to the imagination) as it was just a low wall and a toilet, open to the rest of the common guest area. i think the pool and sauna were closed and i never did find the athletic courts.
staff was super unhelpful, seriously. i think they really need to take a course in hotel/​hospitality management. my check in was late and the kitchen was closed so the only option was a «sandwich». when i told the server my bread was moldy and i didn’t get no mayo (just a packet of mustard) he acted like he didn’t care. RUDE! if i wanted attitude, i woulda went to a korean restaurant, amirite?! The aged bologna had a «unique» texture to it and a flavor I had not yet acquired.
because it was so late, they only had size 14 slippers (i don’t think they had half sizes available but i forgot to ask) left so i had to shuffle about in ill fitting footwear like an animal. my red jump suit did fit well albeit a bit long (apparently someone with my waist size should be 8 feet tall).
all in all, i don’t think i could recommend this particular facility and i def won’t be coming back (sorry to be so harsh :/​)
please note: this review is for my stay from several years back but i understand little has changed since then and therefore i’m comfortable with writing this.

if jail has taught me anything… it’d to abide the law and you won’t have to stay in the horrible place. I figure with as many taxes as I pay, you think this would be some what nicer. The nicest person here is the doctor that checks up on you to make sure you don’t need any meds or special care. Once you’re out of that room, you get a newb scanning your prints on a high tech machine that you roll your palm over and over and over and over again, not sure if it’s the nervousness of the newb that is scared to touch you because «you’re in jail, you must be bad» or does the machine only look cool and just really suck. I’ve been here twice… last I checked my prints are still the same.
Back to the holding cell. Four phones, one the buttons barely work. The other, the ear piece barely works. The third, mic hardly picks up your voice. And the fourth has someone calling everyone they know trying to get someone to put money in their books.
Oversized potato orange sacks haven’t changed for attire. Albeit the flip flops are relatively comfortable. Same thin gym mats and bed sheets for your «comforter» set.
No one ever says «i deserve to be here.» Me included… but I do find it a waste of tax money when people are in here for unpaid parking tickets, drinking on a bus or in public (better than drinking and driving)… but the law is the law. if people are far from perfect — except for Jessica Alba and Arianna Grande — then the law is an imperfect bitch.
I will say this about jail though… I thought youtube was the only place I could learn lifehacks… but KCJ taught me a few things…
1. depending on what side of the building you’re in. you can look out the window and by the flow of traffic or even casted shadows you can tell what time it is (there’s no clocks in jail).
2. jailmates are the best tv guide and these guys know how to pick up signals on the ol’ boob tube like a pro.
3. save all milk cartons during lunch. then ask the over watch for a pencil. rip apart each side of the milk cartons and write on each one 2H, 3H, 4H… 2D, 3D, 4D,… 2S… 2C… BOOM YOU HAVE A DECK OF CARDS! **MIND BLOWING**
other pieces can be used for chess or checkers.
there are a few other tricks but perhaps i shouldn’t share those publicly…
jail survival tips:
1. wheel n dealin is your friend. people will trade food for cookies, cookies for oranges, save your sandwiches — cuz you can trade that for more water flavoring cuz if you think your home sink water is nasty… wait til you try jail water.
2. save your paper bag from lunch. keep your stuff inside. and under your pillow. cuz if someone tries to take it while sleeping, you’ll hear the crumpling and wake up and catch em.
3. if you need privacy while showering or duecin… put the garbage can in the doorway. people will respect that and stay away.
4. don’t piss in the pooper and don’t poop in the pisser. you don’t want to find out why.
5. you can use the cash in your pocket/​wallet (before getting checked in) to put money in your books so you can make phone calls to your lawyer.
that’s all folks. obey the law. if you don’t remember these helpful tips!

Stopped by to check on any service enhancements… sprang a surprise inspection on New Years Day. Luckily, I was locked up in the same cell… yayy. apples to apples comparison from my 2012’s arrest!
Breakfast was served promptly at 645am. Cold sausage disk and Cherrios. The milk was all I enjoyed while I donated my meal to the craziest looking guy in there (a safety must!). Again, I enjoyed the climate control of the cell — warm at night and comfortable during the day.
The complimentary hygiene package was the same despite requesting a softer toothbrush and better whitening toothpaste. The sack lunch after my arraignment was a snore-​fest, so it was also donated to a different inmate with facial tattoos who apparently told the 911 dispatchers to send more cops so he can «[hurt] (paraphrasing) them too.» For the record, this language was strong and inappropriate, but he exhumed the right amount of crazy for my free lunch.
I would have given them 2 stars this time because of the entertainment — no one knew why I was arrested during booking — A real laugh-​riot. Shades of early slapstick listening to 3 yukos debate my charges. Even the young lady printing me cracked a smile and said I’d get off… since when did failing to use a blinker become wreckless driving and domestic violence. I guess I should just be lucky I wasn’t gunned down in the bushes.
Check-​out was as usual… slow. The concierge was a large obese man who took about 4 donut breaks during what should have been a 15 minute process.
Literally, when you’re fired as a Wall-​Mart greeter, they lobotomize you, slide you into a blue uniform and sit you in a chair here.

the King County bed and breakfast and kinda lunch is stellar. Parking is ZERO problem — you will be escorted by your very own private driver and taken to a VIP entrance in an alley through two very heavy metal doors that will remind you of the scene from Rookie of the Year when Henry came to his first day playing for the Cubs at Wrigley Field mixed with Wizard of Oz. You will get a free physical! You will meet incredible anti-​drug and anti alcohol roll models! Free clothing, that, yes sadly must be returned upon leaving the facility. Caring, and engaging staff will never let you go anywhere without your very own personal escort. great community living! This place is great for networking for those in the business of scumbagery. I will admit, the service is a little slow though.
I personally would not go back. I know folks that have made multiple return visit, they can’t seem to get enough of the services there! I think many of them have met their domestic partners there! Who doesn’t love a good love story?!

One special evening i was escorted by the local police dept. to a secret garage door entrance in the downtown region of Seattle. My driver at the time proceeded to open the passenger door and manhandle me (not that type of dude) into a special room where some older ladies i like to call them my concierge examined me before entering the establishment. The concierge asked if i carried the HIV virus or suffered from any bacterial diseases. They also asked me if i was on medication or had thoughts of suicide very detailed. After the examinations and being relieved of my personal items i was escorted into another special room filled with phones without receivers and that smelled of urine and feet. The man that I sat next too looked to have no teeth and seem to be homeless he asked me what i was in for and if i knew where to get some crack cocaine interesting. I tried using the phones (reminder no receivers) such a pain in the ass but at the same time i couldn’t get a connection bc all the phones where for collect calls only BOO. After that i was lead into another room where i was asked to strip down to my underwears and giving a blue jumpsuit and plastic sandals. I had asked if i could get a cleaner jumpsuit that didn’t stink of mothballs and feet they said «NO» god the service in this place sucks. After that I was then placed into a elevator where i was eventually lead to my room (cell) thinking great now i can get a good nights rest. That wasn’t the case because my room (cell) was filled with a few gang members and people that smelled like a dumpster. So laying on my back with one eye open was my only option as well as the mat they gave me with no pillow was unbearable for sleep. Finally morning had come but i couldn’t really tell bc my room (cell) had no windows so annoying. Me and my roomies where then sent to «chow» for breakfast i was so hungry and couldn’t wait to eat. I’m such a foodie so i was hoping to get a good meal for breakfast. I was given a trey of what looked like wet dog food some greens a piece of cake and a apple on top of a packet of orange drink yes orange drink not juice to wash it down. I decided to only drink the orange «drank» as the locals called it and eat my apple but as i was going to eat my cake one of my roomies asked if i wanted to trade my cake for his apple i guess the cake is a high commodity in here i declined the offer. Then after breakfast we where then escorted into a elevator to a activity area. The activity area consist of a basketball court which was fun and was the only highlight of my stay at King County Jail. Later after some very physical hoop play i was then sent back to my room (cell). A few hours had passed and my room attendant (guard) came up to my room door and yelled my last name. He then let me out of my room and escorted me to a dressing room where i took off the jumpsuit and was given back my clothes. After dressing i was let out of the room and then proceeded to a counter where a gentleman asked me some questions then gave me back my personal belongings and a day pass for the bus. I then was escorted back down a hallway to some doors that the attendants (guards) opened for me. I proceeded outside doors when the sun beamed straight into my eyes. I had to quickly cover them like it was the first time i have ever seen the sun from living in a cave. I had to ask a lady what time and day it was bc in King County Jail there is no sense of time or day it really doesn’t exist in there. She kindly told me and i made my way to the nearest bus stop i could find. King County Jail your food is terrible if u call that food the service sucks and it smells like feces i will not be returning back anytime soon and i demand a refund or the money i had before i was checked in that i suspect my driver (officer) or your attendants (guard) took thx one star.

I was a guest at the King County Bed and Breakfast in 2001.
Not the most welcoming place I have ever visited. Both the bed and the breakfast were well under par. Why my rectum needed to be inspected before I was offered my lovely jumpsuit and plastic sandals is beyond me.
I shant return.

I have never been stuck in there (thankfully! lol) but I was on the 8^th floor with a friend paying a ticket way back in (I think it was) 1996 and an earthquake started! I heard a bunch of the inmates above us hooting and cheering and then the loudspeaker came on to begin evacuate certain floors. I just remember seeing a huge group of inmates down the hall from that office (they must had been being escorted someplace as part of EQ protocol) and they were cheering and dancing. It was very surreal.