TSA Checkpoint Terminal A – Sacramento International Airport

I’m the type of dude that cares about civil liberties, whether it’s currently cool to (when Snowden first told us that Verizon was giving our information to the government) or not (um, right now).
I don’t go through the TSA body scanner/​nudie-​pic-​generators.
You don’t have to either. In fact, it even says this, in plain text, on the sign right next to the body scanner. It says «Scanner is optional». It’s the last line, and most people probably don’t even see it.
I’ve opted out almost 100 times. The drill is usually:
1. Tell them I’m going to opt out.
2. They call for someone to feel my balls.
3. Ball-​feeler (always a man, such is life) takes 15 seconds to 1 minute to arrive.
4. Ball-​feeler explains that he’s going to touch me in my bathing suit area while I do a Christ– pose and awkwardly stare at people taking off their shoes.
5. Ball-​feeler gets on knees and touches me, always with the back of the palms.
6. Ball-​feeler scans gloves for ballistics.
7. Ball-​feeler goes back to playing candy crush, I go back to putting my belt on.
So that’s usually how it goes.
Not this time.
This time the gregarious carnival-​barker in the blue-​shirt, that was telling everyone that they had to take their laptops out… tried to argue with me. Then tried to say that didn’t have staffing to feel my balls.
Dude, I got 99 problems and your crotch-​grope-​staffing ain’t one.
Staff more ball-​feelers, seems like an easy solution. I saw 3 TSA agents playing on their smartphones and giggling. You should’ve gotten one of them to feel my balls.
Any way after some light verbally sparring, I got my own ball-​feeler and was able to make it through security.
Totally unnecessary delay though.
Patriots: keep getting your crotches rubbed for free.
Sheep: keep getting nudie pictures taken of you by smartphone-​addicted government agents.
Man, how did we ever fly before TSA was created?

The level of professionalism and standards displayed by the TSA are less than adequate to justify the money spent to fund this agency. During my brief visit to this check point I observed an agent so large that he could barely fit through the metal detector. While this individual may be a wonderful person and could provide a positive contribution to the organization in another capacity, he should not be providing security. Where are the standards? What is this agency doing to correct their deficiencies? From my perspective, not much. Taxpayer are left with a hefty tax liability to fund what appears to the a placebo of travel security. Low standards, a lack of professionalism, and a high degree of ineffectiveness raise questions as to why the American public continues to fund this organization.

As more and more airports get the TSA Precheck line, my experience has been better and better. Because I have a Known Traveler number in my airline passenger profile, the TSA knows who I am and that let’s me speed through the queue with my shoes on, my liquids and gels in the bag and my laptop in the bag. I don’t have to go through the magic xray irradiation machine either.
Three beeps and I’m done. Yay!