Red Square

Like they say, each to their own!
I go here on a near-​regular basis (almost every weekend). Why? Because I like the music that they play, and it is never what I like to call ‘dead beat’ (meaning — bad music, nobody enjoying themselvs etc.).
Before being old enough to go clubbing I heard all kinds of things about this place, for example: it’s the dirtiest place in Adelaide, the security guards are ***holes (of which they are not) etc. Yes, the dancefloors and toilets get dirty, but isn’t that a given for places that get packed? Also, I’ve be too quite a lot of pubs/​clubs in SA, and RSQ is far from being the dirtiest place.
And lastly, yes both the VIP and normal lines are ridiculously long (that’s why I get inline before 9).
So, yes I do enjoy going here on a night out.

Apparently the door girl doesn’t know how to read an ID, so I’m 21 and my license expres on the 25/​05/​2013. Apparently my license was out of date and I was 17. After explaining the roman date system to her and what month it was… I was let in.
Immediately saw someone I disliked and was overwhelmed by 17 year olds.
2 stars for having grey goose for $ 10.

Shamefully, Red Square used to be my favourite club. It was back when I hung out with a lot of other Asians, and the club was notorious for having a large Asian following. Getting into the club was a breeze once you became a regular, and the music was predictable and bad, but decent enough to dance to when you’d had the right amount of alcohol.
These days, you couldn’t pay me to go to a place like this again. Some of the dirtiest scumbags I know frequent Red Square on a weekly basis, and for many of them it’s become the last stop on an all-​nighter. I was aware that it was a place for hospitality workers to grab a drink after finishing night shift, but why the fuck would you go to a club pumping dance music at 8 in the morning? Ever heard of putting your feet up and appreciating a beer, wine or cup of tea? Ever heard of this thing called sleep?
I’ve had the displeasure of actually being here past 8AM, and it’s a dark, dismal picture to paint. It’s that time of the morning when all the pillheads are coming down off their poison, and are pathetically worming around the dancefloor. It’s horrible.

Drunk people, do not follow the pretty lights into this club.
There’s always one in every city, and for Adelaide this is it. Red Square is the filthiest nightclub to haunt Hindley Street. The only reason people attend is due to the late opening hours. But I plead with you, DON’T GO IN THERE!
As you first enter you may be confused as to whether you’ve entered a strip club or brothel, and that’s not a good thing. The girls are definitely getting wild wearing less than bikinis. It’s the place people go if they don’t want to go home with someone, so they just do it here instead.
I have only been in here once, and I left the place not long after feeling dirty. I can’t believe I lined up for this and paid the ridiculous cover charge. Never again.

I would be giving Red Square a single star rating except for one thing that it offers, and it’s by proxy really, but Sunday morning entertainment.
Red Square closes it’s door at 11am on Sunday morning after a full night/​morning of braincell reduction therapy going on inside. Sitting at a nearby café and watching the hopeless sacks exiting is one of the most hilarious things to watch.
Vomit soaked shirts, broken heels, mascara from eyes to chin, pupils extending beyond the iris, all of these can be seen leaving Red Square at this hour.
All this is because Red Square is easily the dirtiest, scummiest club on Hindley St.
Unfortunately there are a lot of stupid, uneducated people in the world, and in Adelaide, and these must be the primary patrons. The line up is always ridiculous, and simply can not be worth it.

16 year olds on speed would like Red Square. Seriously, who pays to go here every weekend? That’s all I have to say.

There are certain deviant behaviours which are illegal on Adelaide streets, but somehow acceptable in this club. Ever had your arse groped on the dance floor of a club before? Sure you have, we all have! What about your front bum, ever had that grabbed? If not, go to Red Square, it’s an experience you’ll never forget.
As a wayward teen I had some great times in this place. Most memorable was dancing on a podium in front of the DJ for about three hours in the hopes that he’d pick me and my mate as winners in the R&B dance competition. I don’t even want to think about the things we were doing on that podium but needless to say we did not win tickets to see Usher. If you’re over the age of twenty five do not go here: you’ll look desperate and sad. Between the ages of eighteen and twenty five, with a strong constitution and a love of R&B and seedy sexual carry on? Can I get a hell yeah?

I’ve had a few good nights here, but I’d recommend the back section (RnB music) rather than the front section which is over crowded and you’d have to be off your face to enjoy that music and crowd.
The line up is usually huge so unless you’re in the VIP line you are probably going to be waiting a long time. The entry fee can be up to $ 20, which I think is way too much, but there is cheap drink options once you get in.
This place is also riddled with 18 year olds and underagers which makes me feel super old. I can put up with this place for a couple of hours and then it’s time to move on and out of there.

Oh god WAY too many nights wasted here until brunch the next day. The only reason being nada else open post-​5am in Radelaide. Sometimes something ick can be better than nothing (very sometimes). Recently a taxi and my warm bed have held far more appeal (so in fact I should thank Reds for being so damn awful I’d rather go home and thus save time, money and brain cells). If you are very young (preferably just turned 18), like to be VERY scantily clad (think inspired by The Palace strip joint next door) and ideally have a current or burgeoning drug problem, then you’ll love this den of inequity. In fact you’ll like ‘Like’ it on Facebook till the cows come home. They actually charge a $ 20 cover at times which is laughable in this one horse town and you’ll only pay it if you’re feeling very stupid, or very drunk, or very desperate (three’s a charm). The bouncers and suited henchman (owners?) out the front have obviously taken very comprehensive a-​hole lessons as they bark at people to stop loitering on their seedy strip of Hindley and eyeball others deigning if they are worthy to grace their establishment. What the people who run this show don’t get is quantity of clientele sure don’t equal quality and that soon enough the teens shall grow up and/​or decide a path of drugged-​up partying is not for them. Meanwhile the rest of us leave Red Square and rush home to a hot shower & dettol to scrub away the shame and disgust of a night there. In a nutshell — Don’t say I didn’t warn you! P. S. The opening hours above are for the club section, the bar side on the other hand is pretty much open all the time.